Cracked
by Love-is-a-mental-disease
Summary: To tell you the truth, I don't know if I can do this. I love her, I love her so much. Yet I can't even keep her from crying herself to sleep at night. I know Cammie's told me a lot, but I can't help feeling like there's something she's holding back, something she doesn't want me to know. Too bad she has me, and I intend to know every part of her.
1. She will be loved

**AN: Okay guys, so if you read my other story Unpredictable, you'll know that this is my replacement My Friend Ana because my brother stole my laptop and deleted that story from my account, so now, I'm rewriting it. Actually, I think it will be a lot better than my friend Ana. Honestly that story was kind of bleh for me at the moment and I didn't really know how to keep writing it. But this- I have a lot of ideas for where this story could go. So stick with me please? Review after reading because they make me so happy to know that my readers actually like my writing :)**

* * *

Third person

Zach sighs as he looks across the street at the little park. He stares at the squealing children, and the worried mothers watching them play.

He wished he could have had a childhood like that, but fate is not always so agreeing with one's wishes.

He continued walking down the street, noticing the perfectly similar houses, with perfectly trimmed lawns and flowers in each plant holder. The perfection is eerie, and as he comes to a stop, his eyes are wary.

This house though, it's different. Out of control yellow grass, no flowers to be heard of. The porch is fading, the paint peeling off the sides off the walls. And the large white door, cracked and broken, barely hanging on the hinges.

He ghosts towards it, using his new key and entering.

_Not quite like home, but when is it ever?_

I swung the door open wide, and took in the sight before me. The house was actually quite welcoming and homey, despite it's looks from the outside.

The walls were a faded yellow, white trim everywhere, comfy furniture to sit in.

"18 years old. Am I supposed to feel different?" I wondered out loud, aimlessly walking into the kitchen.

I opened all the cupboards and drawers looking for a glass, before finally finding one and filling it up with water. I took a nice long swig, trying to relax.

_It's only October, I haven't missed so much of the school year._

Who am I kidding. I'm still going to be the new guy.

I set my glass on the counter and walked up the stairs laughing silently to myself.

_New guy, yes. Popular guy, hell yes._

* * *

Cammie's POV

My arm shot out and punched my alarm clock, effectively shutting it off.

_I hate Mondays._ I thought as I climbed out of the warm confines of my bed and dragged myself over to the shower.

Sitting under the warmth of the spray, I couldn't help but think something big was going to happen today.

_Beauty queen of only eighteen_

_She had some trouble with herself_

_He was always there to help her_

_She always belonged to someone else_

_I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door_

_I've had you so many times but somehow I want more_

_I don't mind spending every day_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

I sang softly to myself in the shower, my voice echoing from the walls around me.

As I dry my hair and dress, I can't shake the odd feeling. I put on an oversized shirt and jeans, already dreading the cool air waiting for me outside. I pulled on my converse, grabbed my school bag, and was out the door.

The wind blew the trees, causing many leaves to fall on me. I looked up to the sky to see it was strangely sunny. Normally, by October everything is pretty chilly.

I shook the thought as I continued towards school, wondering what other strange things the day has in store for me.

* * *

Zach's POV

I pulled up in my expensive motorcycle, causing quite a scene. I had the radio blasting as I pulled in, much to fast, to one of the parking spaces.

I cut the gas, and stepped off, noticing two girls checking me out by the entrance to the school. I smirked at them as I got closer, noticing they were both extremely attractive.

While one was in a cheerleader uniform and had perfectly wavy long black hair and bright blue eyes, the other was wearing shorts and a tank top, with beautiful caramel skin and dark brown eyes.

"Would you ladies mind telling me where the main office is? I'm a bit lost." I asked easily, leaning carefree against the wall next to the cheerleader.

"Anything for the new boy." She said, and winked, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the school behind her.

"I'm Macey by the way, and this is Bex." She said, looking over her shoulder at me. I was a little shocked at her forwardness and quickly shook my hand free of hers.

"Nice to meet you girls, I'm Zach, Zach Goode." I introduced myself, following them through the busy halls. And noticing almost every girl's jealous expression towards Bex and Macey.

"Oh we know. News travels fast in Roseville Zach." Brown eyes, Bex, said, grinning at me.

"Here we are. They'll give you your schedule, and don't worry about finding the classes, you'll find your way around school easily enough." Macey said, pointing me towards the door.

"You should sit with us at lunch, we'll introduce you to our friends. You'd love Grant and Nick." Bex added.

"Sweet. Thanks guys." I winked at them, making them swoon a little, before going into the office to collect my schedule.

I had AP English first period with a Professor Buckingham, so I walked quickly through the nearly deserted halls, into the English wing.

I walked in just as the bell was ringing, and handed a note to Ms. Buckingham, who looked old enough to be married to Shakespeare himself.

"Ah, you must be Zachary. Take a seat anywhere you'd like." My eyes quickly scan the room, noticing a few nerds, jocks, emos, and the other stereotypes you would expect to see. I frown, not liking any of my options, so I strut too the back of the room and fall into the chair of a hot girl, wearing 10 pounds of makeup.

"Hey, I'm Zach." I whisper, as Buckingham starts her lecture. She giggled and snorted.

_Not attractive..._ I thought absentmindedly.

"Tina Walters." She answers, turning her attention to the lecture.

I stare out the window, daydreaming about what it would feel like to ditch.

_Come on Goode, it's only first period._

I sigh loudly as I try and focus on the looooooong speech, but truth is, it's extremely boring.

My eyes wander the room, finally resting on a set of beautiful blonde curls.

I stare at the back of her head in frustration.

_Those curls...I'm almost positive I've seen them before._

Suddenly, blondie sits up really straight, and turns her head to the side just slightly. I can feel her eyes looking for whoever is staring at her and-for a moment- I'm scared I've been caught.

But then she shrugs and faces front again, furiously scribbling down every word coming from Professor's mouth.

I sigh in relief, and for the rest of class I can't stop the nagging feeling that I know that girl.

**AN: Erh yeah, not much to say. Sorry, first chapters are always boring... I'm working on the second chapter as we speak and might even have it ready by tomorrow! And the song Cammie sang was ****She Will Be Loved ****By Maroon 5**

**XOXO Mia**


	2. What is it about this girl?

I walked into the cafeteria, repeating what I'd done in first, second and third period. I looked around, remembering Bex's invitation for lunch. I find them sitting in a large group, with everyone laughing and throwing their heads back, not a care in the world.

Definitely the populars.

Well, looks like I chose right for once.

I walked over too them, and they all noticed me immediately.

"Zach!" Macey's voice brightened considerably, and she flashed me a brilliant smile.

"Invitation still open?" I asked, fighting the urge to smirk.

"Of course! You can sit by me. Everyone this is Zach." She introduced me as I took my seat.

"Hey man, I'm Grant." One of the bigger guys introduced himself, shaking my hand.

"Nick." Slightly smaller than Grant.

"Jonas." Poor boy, muscular but just...tiny!

"Josh." I looked Josh over a few times, not really liking the vibe I got from him.

"DeeDee." Blonde pigtails and bright pink shirt- ugh not at all for me.

"Elizabeth, but call me Liz." I liked her, quiet but, i don't know. I just like her.

"And you already know Bex and I." Macey finished.

"Nice to meet you guys." I smile politely.

Grant tells some joke about new kids, and the whole table starts laughing, instantly alleviating the tension.

We talk for a few minutes, and get to know each other. And for the most part, I really liked these guys.

Suddenly, the cafeteria doors slam open, revealing blonde curls, only from the front, she's ten times as beautiful.

Her big blue eyes are set perfectly on her high cheekbones, and her lips look soft and pink.

But those eyes, they're aged. They've seen one too many things.

_Who is she?_

"What, does he think she owns the place?" Macey remarked snarkily under her breath as blondie went through the lunch line and bought some chips and a drink.

"Honestly, what's with her?" Ben asked.

"Guys quit! You know it's not her fault." Liz snapped at them, defending the girl.

"Yeah it's not her fault she's nuts." Nick said in a mock defending voice, causing everyone to snicker.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I'm not in on the joke." I said, with as much grace as I could manage. They were talking about her as if she weren't 30 feet away.

"The chicks crazy!" Macey explained, as if this in itself was an explanation.

"Helpful Macey." I snapped, getting frustrated they weren't telling me.

"You'd probably rather not know Zach. Cammie's a touchy subject with us." Liz said softly, and I was liking her more and more by the second.

"Liz! We said we'd never speak her name again!" DeeDee hissed, obviously outraged.

I felt a sudden rush of anger. Why were they talking about her like this? She seemed like a perfectly acceptable person, what had happened that they were so...bitter?!

"Speak her name again? What is this, Harry Potter?" I asked sarcastically. I was met with no response.

"Honestly, will someone just tell me?" I asked earnestly, curiosity burning through my veins. What was it about this girl?

"Cammie was one of our best friends." Bex said icily.

"Was." Macey added harshly, honestly sounding like a total bitch.

"Well, she was more than a friend to Josh-y here." Grant snicked, playfully punching Josh in the arm.

"Hey man, I am not proud of that. No need to bring it up, even if the sex was amazing." All the guys broke out in laughter, while DeeDee looked on with rage and...Jealousy? And Macey, Bex, and Liz regarded them in disgust.

"And then she went crazy." Jonas muttered, running his hand through his messy curls. He seemed as though he was actually sad Cammie was no longer their friend. Perhaps deep down he still cares about her.

"What do you mean 'she went crazy'? Could you get a little more specific?" I asked, directing my question towards Liz and Jonas.

I noticed now the way they were sitting so close, and them holding hands. They must be a couple... Well isn't that adorable!

"Honestly, there's not really much more we know. Just one day, she kind of...cracked. Had a breakdown in the courtyard. Started screaming about things that no one wanted to be reminded of. She spent the rest of the year far away, in some mental hospital. This is her first year back." Liz said quietly. Everyone had their gaze on Cammie, who was sitting alone at a table in the back, calmly eating her chips and sipping her coke like no one was watching.

"So why aren't you guys talking to her? Isn't she your friend?" I asked, afraid of their response.

"Have some respect for bro code man, she's my ex." Josh snarled.

_You selfish bastard! You left her just because she had a mental break down? Shouldn't you do anything for the person you love?_

I thought all these things, but I didn't want a fight on my first day. So I kept them too myself.

"Oh, right. Sorry..."

And for the rest of lunch I sat in silence, and stared at the girl with issues.

I studied her, watched how she ate, how she would look out the window longingly. Or how she would fix her eyes at seemingly empty space, and focusing so intently on it that you would wonder what on Earth she saw in it. But most importantly, I saw the pain in her eyes that appeared whenever she would glance at her old friends. The ones who left her for being different. Who left her for popularity.

_You might have lost them as friends...But you gained me as one._

* * *

As I walked into Biology, I nearly ran into the door.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about everything I'd heard at lunch.

They were all really great people- funny, nice, and welcoming- but what they said about Cammie was awful.

I righted myself, and handed the teacher, Mr. Solomon, a note.

"Hmm well, there's only one person without a partner, but I'm not sure you'd be able to keep up with her." He eyed me, clearly thinking I was a brainless jock.

So even the adults are still judgemental in this town huh?

"I guess it will work. Have a seat next to Ms. Morgan." He gestured to the back of the room and I smiled when I realized who he meant.

_Perfect._

I strutted to my new seat and sat down next to her, leaning close.

"Hi, I'm Zach." She scooted her chair away from me slightly, and looked at me, puzzled.

"Why are you sitting here?" She asked quietly, and I almost melted. Her voice was so sweet and innocent, it couldn't possibly be the voice of a mad girl.

"I'm your new lab partner." I said, sticking my hand out for a shake. She just stared at it for a while, before I got uncomfortable and put my hand down.

"So what's your name?" I asked, hoping to start a conversation.

"Cammie." She said absentmindedly, doodling in the margins of her notebook.

_She seems perfectly normal..._

"That's a neat drawing." I said, pointing in her notebook. Our hands only brushed for a millisecond but the effect was instantaneous.

She jumped out of her seat as if I'd shocked her, and her breathing accelerated.

"Er, bathroom." She mumbled, and she all but sprinted from the room.

"What a freak." The girl across the aisle whispered to her fried and they both broke out in silent giggles.

I clenched m hands into fists, and tried to focus on the presentation. Only, I found myself focusing on the door, waiting for Cammie's return.

She didnt return until the vet end of class, and she looked...disheveled.

"Are you okay?" I murmured, being careful to keep my hands to myself. I noticed the way she was sitting, with her arms slightly wrapped around herself, as if to hold herself together.

She nodded slightly, grabbed her backpack and stood up, just as the bell was ringing. She kept her head high though, and I had to give her credit for that.

_I swear I've seen her before..._

I shook the thought, continuing on my way out of class. I stopped by my new locker, throwing in all my books and grabbing my jacket.

As I shrugged it on, I noticed plenty of people giving me odd looks. I couldn't tell if they were friendly or if...

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around, to see a smiling Macey.

"Hey Zach! Walk with me?" She asked, batting her eyelashes and already turning to walk towards the exit.

"Uh, sure." I followed her, trying not to look at her swinging hips in that oh so short cheer skirt. I mean, cut me some slack, I'm a teenage boy! I have hormones too ya know. I just didn't exactly want to act on those hormones.

I mean, there's no denying Macey is hot, that's obvious.

But the way that Nick looked at her, seemed like he wants to be a little more than friends...

Or maybe he's just a douche that wants to get laid by one of the hottest girls in school.

Either way, I wasn't looking for a fight.

"So Zach," Macey practically purred as she walked me to my bike. "Think I could bum a ride? Maybe we could hang at your place?" She asked, practically sitting on top of me. If that's even possible when two people are standing up.

"Sorry Mace. I'd love to but, I have somewhere I need to be." I said as I jumped on my bike, and quickly pulled away, leaving behind a very red faced and angry Macey McHenry.

_Oh well. Time to go do some digging..._

I smirked, and sped up, my curiosity for answers almost bursting.

_What is it about this girl?_

**AN: Hey everyone! I hope you had a nice memorial day, if you celebrate that. God bless our troops everywhere. AHHHHHH ONLY 7 DAYS OF SUMMER LIKE, WHAT? I'm excited :) I went to the lake yesterday with my friends and we had so much fun and then we went to 711 and bought sooooo much candy and then we came home and played with sparklers and went swimming in my pool and danced in the street ahahaha rebels we are. Anyways, review if you love summer?**


	3. I don't believe them

**AN: IMPORTANT AN AT BOTTOM. PLEASE PLEASE READ!**

* * *

Zach's POV

A week passed, and nothing interesting happened. I continued to grow closer to Bex, Macey, Liz, DeeDee, Josh, Grant, Nick, and Jonas, and I found out they were actually really cool people.

I liked Liz in particular. She was quiet, and seemingly shy, but she had a fierce protectiveness towards her friends, and a clear sense of right and wrong. She was by far the nicest of all the girls, and genuinely seemed to miss Cammie.

She's where I got the majority of my information.

"Honestly Zach, why are you so interested in Cammie?!" Liz asked exasperatedly, slamming her locker shut and turning to me.

I opened my mouth to speak but then shut it again.

Why was I so interested in her?

_You want to help her? Maybe because she reminds you of-_

I sighed audibly, running a hand through my hair, something I only did when I was stressed. I grabbed Liz's arm and dragged her into a corner that was less crowded.

"Lets say I know someone thats been through something similar. Lets say I want to help her. Would you help me?" I asked, flashing her a sweet smile. Yes, a smile.

She raised her eyebrows and looked at me like I was crazy. No pun intended.

"You know, you're pretty much committing social suicide." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked me over. "But- you seem like a good guy. So what do you want to know?"

The grin that spread across my face couldn't have been any wider. I grabbed her in a giant bear hug and picked her up.

"You Elizabeth Sutton- are the best!" I shouted, putting her back down. She looked at me skeptically.

"I still think you're crazy."

"Thanks Lizzie." I said, playfully ruffling her hair and then running away, barely making it into Calculus on time.

I smiled, next period was biology.

* * *

Cammie's POV

I took a deep breath as Zach took his seat next to me. His annoyingly cute messy in a purposeful way hair, and his relaxed body posture.

I can't even remember the last time somebody's been this at ease around me.

And I kind of like it.

I focused my attention on Mr. Solomon, as he presented our new project.

A wave of slight panic swept over me.

_I have to do a project with Zach. I haven't done a project with anyone since...I have to work with him. See him outside school. He might even come to my house! Can I do this? Can I handle that? I don't know if I can. If he touches me again..._

My thoughts blazed on at a million miles an hour, and I could feel my blood start to race under my skin.

_Deep breaths Cammie. 1,2,3,4,5. Breathe. 1,2,3,4,5. Breathe. 1,2,3,4,5. Breathe. 1,2,3,4,5. Breathe._

I calmed down enough to pick up the rubric in front of me and read it, glad that Zach hadn't finished yet and tried to talk to me.

"So, what would you like our project to be on?" Zach asked, turning on his stool to face me.

"Uhhh, you pick." I mumbled, still trying to calm down a little.

"Hmm, what about the effects of offshore oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico?" He asked.

How is it possible that he just made offshore oil drilling sound sexy?!

"Sounds great." I replied, offering a small smile.

"Awesome. So, we'll probably have to work on this outside of class. Could I come over to your house later today? Or you could come to my house I guess." He said, sounding slightly...nervous? No, he couldn't be. And oh goodness, this is really happening...

"Oh, uh you can come to my house."

_Good choice. At least you'll be in comfortable surroundings._

"It's a date." He says, before smirking, standing up and walking out of class a second before the bell rings.

_A...date?!_

* * *

Zachs POV

I walk up to Cammie, who is waiting for me in the parking lot.

"Hey." I said, stopping at least two feet away from her.

"Uhm so my house is just down the street and I normally just walk- sorry I didn't warn you I didn't think about it ugh I'm just so stu-"

I laughed, cutting off her rambling.

"I can walk half a mile Cams." I hesitated, not sure how she would react to my nickname.

She just smiled, and turned to walk down the street.

I followed, walking next to her in a comfortable silence.

"Thank you Zach." Cammie murmured, looking up t me from under her long eyelashes.

"For what? We haven't startered the project yet." I smiled back at her.

"You know that's not what I mean." She said disapprovingly, turning up the driveway into a cozy looking little house.

"Well then I'm quite sure I have no idea what you do mean." I smirked at her, following her lead into the house.

She carefully placed her backpack on the floor, taking off her shoes and placing them next to the door.

I did the same, not wanting to be a bother.

She walked down the hallway, and started to walk up the stairs. As we did so, I noticed all the family pictures on the wall.

I stopped, looking at a baby picture of Cammie. Then the one next too that, a picture of Cammie and another little boy, who looked older than her but was hugging her harder than most 6 year olds would hug their sisters.

The next one, a large framed photo of a happy family.

Two smiling parents, two bright faced children hugging each other and giggling. Even a dog and cat. Where were they now?

"Where are your parents?" I asked, my tone friendly, but inside I was extremely curious. Liz had told me they work often and she doesn't get to see them a lot. Could that be part of it?

_If I'm going to help her, I need to know why._

"My mom's on a business trip for the next two weeks. And my dad isn't around much." She said quietly, coming to stand next to me, looking at the picture. I could see her smiling, but the real story was in her eyes.

And now, she didn't have to pretend. She wasn't trying to hold back the sadness over flowing.

"Who's that boy? Your brother?" I asked, hoping to cheer her up, and pointing to him.

Her face fell and her smile faltered. She turned away and continued up the stairs.

"He's in a better place. If you want something more specific than that, I'm not quite sure."

My jaw dropped and I gasped. I hit myself in the forehead.

_Nice move Goode. Remind her of her dead brother._

STUPID! God, how stupid am I? Liz told me- she TOLD me- not to mention Ben. Why why why why?!

"I'm sorry!" I blurted, stuffing my hands in my pockets and looking down.

"It's okay. It's not like nobody's ever mentioned him before..." She murmured, shifting to grab her textbook from the desk.

I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, and she scooted back so her back was resting against the headboard.

"Alright, off shore oil drilling. Let's do this!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, cracking a smile out of her.

_**2 hours later**_

We had been working peacefully for about 2 hours, when Cammie finally broke the silence.

"I really meant it you know. What I said earlier. Thank you." I look over at her, and she had her head tilted back and her eyes closed.

"For what?" I actually wasn't sure what she was referring to.

She lifted her head and raised an eyebrow at me.

"For this." She said, gesturing to the space between us. "For being comfortable around me."

"It's nothing anybody else wouldn't do." I said with a small shrug.

"Yes...it is. Don't play stupid, I know you know. But you don't seem to care." She said thoughtfully, tilting her head too the side a little and puckering her lips.

"Maybe I don't." I said, looking at her with a serious expression.

"So you know?" She asked in a small voice.

"I've heard rumors...But I don't believe them." I said, looking her in the eye.

"Maybe you should." She said, matching my gaze. "You saw what happened to me in Biology last week, you barely even touched me. You don't believe that?" Her eyes widened just a little, and she looked almost...scared.

I took a deep breath and decided what I was going to do.

"What would you do right now if I did..._this_!"

**AN: Hey everyonee. Soooooo they're partners on a project ;) and uh, her brother...Maybe that contributed to her breakdown? **

**Uh guys, I know this is a lot to ask but come on, the story so far has over 1,000 views and 16 reviews. C'mon, y'all can do better than that! So, PM, review, follow, favorite, tell your friends. But I am NOT posting ch 4 (which will include Cammie's ENTIRE backstory and some very interesting revelations) until this story has at least 35 reviews. Just nope. Nuh uh. Sorry if that's unfair, but I know you guys can do it. Or, if you are feeling super extra nice either give me a shout out on one of your stories or in your review or a PM give me ideas for a better, more enticing summary because the one I have now is meh. **

**XOXO Mia**

**P.s I know you guys can do it.**


	4. I'm scared too

"What would you do right now if I did..._this!"_ I grabbed her hand that was laying on the bed next to me and- nothing.

I looked up at her face, her features etched in shock. And after a second of comprehension, fear.

She snatched her hand back and started to breath heavily, the breaths uneven. She started to sweat a little.

She cradled her hand to her chest as if I'd just chopped it off, holding her chest tightly with the other arm as if she couldn't breathe.

Tears started streaming down her face, hot and fast. And so unexpected by me, I didn't even react until she had jumped off the bed and backed up against one of the walls, a hand clamped over her mouth to contain the sobs.

She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears, failing.

She pinched her knee, trying to distract herself with pain, failing.

She bent over on her hands and knees, feeling her stomach contracting and convulsing.

She fell on her back, breathing heavily, her eyes closed, but faced towards the ceiling.

And all of this happened in the span of about 20 seconds.

"Oh my god Cammie!" I shouted, jumping to her side. Her eyes snapped open and she sat up.

"No! Stay back!" She exclaimed earnestly, halting me in my tracks. "Please." She added, her eyes softening in pity. _For. Me._

"Don't do that!" I snapped, then immediately regretted it, seeing the hurt reflect on her face.

"What?" She sniffled, her eyes tearing up again, for completely different reasons.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" I tried desperately to explain, but she cut me off.

"Please, just never do that again. Please Zach, I can't handle that. You have to understand... There are just some things I'm not ready for..." Her voice was so full of sadness, and there was something else..._ Guilt_.

"Why do you look so guilty?" I asked, keeping my distance from her.

"I don't want to be another charity case Zach. I don't want you to feel like you have to pity me. And I feel guilty for doing that to you." She answered

"Charity case? Jesus Cam, everyone treats you like shit!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet and starting to pace.

"Zach...I think you should go." Cammie said quietly. I stopped mid step and turned to face her.

"No." The answer was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"What do you mean 'no'?!" She demanded, looking pissed now.

"I mean, I'm not leaving this room until I know you're okay." I emphasized each word with a step closer to her, finally kneeling at her feet. She pursed her lips and scrutinized me.

"You might be in this room a very long time then."

"So be it."

"You don't want really want to know, and I don't want to relive it."

"I do want to know, and you don't have to relive it, I'm here for you if it becomes too much." I said softly.

"This is crazy. Us. I've known you for what, a week? But I just can't help myself around you... I might just end up spilling my deepest darkest secrets..." Cammie threatened darkly, with the hint of a smile.

"No, don't try and make a joke out of this Cammie. It's no laughing matter. But...I feel it to. You're always on my mind, and I can't seem to stop worrying about you." I admitted

She sighed, stood up and sat on the bed cross legged, facing me.

"It's a long story. And it starts back when I was 12." Cammie warned.

"Good thing I'm such a good listener."

She frowned, and thought for a second, before beginning her story.

**Her story is a sad one, filled with loss and love.**

**That's why she kept it to herself so long. Nobody likes the sad stories. Nobody likes hearing about your problems, they only want to talk about themselves.**

**Everyone wants a happy ending, but there are so few princes left, the ending is almost impossible to find.**

**But maybe- just maybe- we might have found one today.**

Cammie's POV

I tilted my head back to look at the ceiling, and keep the tears from falling.

"It was just a normal night. Ben and I- we were sitting on the couch and drinking hot chocolate because it was so cold. It was so cold..." My sentence drifted off as memories of the chilly air came back, so real I could feel the wind biting against my skin.

"And then, he crashes through the back window. We jumped up at the noise, turning to see who it was. He just stood there for a second sizing us up through his stupid mask. I could see his eyes though, so dark and terrible looking. He was big, at least as big as a wrestler. And he was carrying a gun." I whispered the last part, choking on the last word.

My tears spilled freely now, like they did that night.

_**Flashback**_

"You! Come with me!" The man snarled, his voice gravelly. He pointed a stubby finger at me, and I trembled and clung to Ben.

"Get out of our house!" Ben shouted, stepping in front of me to shield me. I turned around and picked up the phone, dialing 911 behind my back.

"Not unless she comes with me!" The man made a lunge towards me and I shrieked and dropped the phone just as an operator was picking up.

Ben nailed a punch in his face, before being knocked back several feet. I had run away into the kitchen. I grabbed the extra phone, dialed again, and someone picked up immediately.

"1362 Rosemary lane, intruder!" I shouted into the phone before it was knocked from my hand, and someone covered my mouth from behind. I struggled as they started to drag me away.

"Shh! It's Ben. Be very quiet and keep still." He whispered in my ear. I stopped struggling immediately and he pulled us into a corner, shielded from view.

_Or so we thought._

Everything happened so quickly.

I heard the sirens outside. I heard the gunshot and the mans anguished cry of disappointment as my brother fell at his feet.

"NO!" I screamed bloody murder, dropping to my knees at Ben's side.

"No no no Ben please don't leave me." I grabbed his hand in mine and put the other on his barely beating chest, which was bleeding at a rapid pace.

"Cammie..." Ben whispered, his breaths becoming more shallow.

"No please, this can't happen." My tears fell on his face and clothes, looking so clear against the dark red of his blood.

"I love you Cammie. Be a good girl- for me." His voice was raspy, and his heart was slowing even more. I pressed my fingers into the bloody hole and pushed down on an even 4 count.

"No no please, Ben. Ben no! I love you Ben you can't die! Ben no! Don't close your eyes! YOU AREN'T GOING TO DIE!" I shouted, slapping his face hard.

This can't be. NO! This is all some horrible nightmare I'm having. Ben is okay, he's not dying. Ben's okay.

And then I opened my eyes again, only to stare into his lifeless ones.

"No." I choked out, leaning my head down on his chest. "NOOOOOOO!"

I ran out of the house, out the back door, speeding up to the man down the street.

"YOU MURDERER! YOU JUST KILLED AN INNOCENT 16 YEAR OLD BOY!" I screamed at him, trying desperately to catch up. My legs were aching and my head was spinning from the smell of blood in my nostrils, but still I didn't stop.

I didn't stop until I reached the edge of the woods, which he had disappeared inside of. I fell down on my knees in the snow, and didn't move until someone found me there, hunched over, and asleep on the side of the road the next morning.

The police brought me home, where I was met with my mother's anguished cry and my father's fierce hug. It was quite a wet greeting, filled with tears.

But I will never forget the look on the man's face as he pulled the trigger- the one thing I was certain had happened that night.

The look of absolute joy and happiness.

And that's because he stole mine.

_**Flashback over**_

I could barely speak, my voice was so closed up from the tears and memories overloading my brain.

I opened my eyes to see a look of complete and utter horror on Zach's face.

"I shouldn't have told you." I said quietly.

"Yes, you should have." Zach said quickly, coming to sit next to me. Our thighs and shoulders were barely touching but it still sent a shiver down my spine. I looked down at the floor as I continued.

"Dad couldn't handle it, he left after a year. Mom tried to help me, she really did, but I was just never the same again. No amount of therapists or doctors could help me forget what I witnessed that night..." I was silent for the next few minutes, pondering how to tell him the next part.

"I didn't speak for almost two years you know... I developed all the fears of being alone, and of people touching me. Whenever someone touches me, all I can remember is the sick feeling of helplessness as I tried to revive Ben. I can't remember anything good ever coming of people touching me, so I stopped letting them. I lost Bex and Liz and Macey as friends. They gave up on me, saying it was too much of a bother to try to help me when I wouldn't even speak. It was Josh that helped me through all of it." A small, sad smile escaped on my lips.

I glanced over at Zach, to see he had an unreadable expression on his face. He'd been remarkably quiet- he really was a good listener.

"I fell in love with him, told him everything I've just told you. He helped me, but never pushed my boundaries. I thought he actually wanted me..." A few more frustrated tears escaped my squinted eyes.

"That's when I found out what he'd been telling everyone, from the moment we were together. That I was a whore who liked to have sex with him every night. And the trouble is, everyone's come to believe his lies, even him." I turned too Zach again, but this time, the expression on his face was unmistakable.

Anger.

"When I get my hands on that dirty low life I'll-" Zach started, threateningly clenching his hands into fists.

"You won't do anything. Be the bigger person." I finished simply. He looked at me incredulously.

"Be the bigger person? That's how you justify how he treated you?!" Zach demanded, his eyes turning into bright green orbs of fury

"I'm not justifying it, I'm surviving with it." Zach's eyebrows raised at my choice of words, noticing I hadn't said living with as he had expected me too.

"I'm scared Zach." I whispered, closing my eyes so I didn't have too look at anything.

"Tell me what you're scared about." He shifted closer, and tentatively wrapped my hand in both of his. I trembled slightly but didn't pull away- it felt sort of, nice.

"I'm scared to sleep because I'll just have nightmares, I'm scared of tiny spaces like the one we hid in, I'm scared I'll have another panic attack at school, I'm scared everyone will just keep hating me, I'm scared I'll never see my dad again, I'm scared my friends will never be my friends again. I'm scared I'll never be okay, I'm scared I'll never be sane." I was crying again, my face buried in his shoulder.

"Would it help if I told you I'm scared to?" Zach asked, tentatively wrapping his arm around me.

I stiffened, barely breathing.

I've just told him things I've told no other soul, and now he's scared of me. He's going to leave me.

_Just like everyone else._

I sat up from his shoulder and pushed him on the chest, hard, sending him staggering back.

"Then just go! Why are you even still here?!" I screamed, trying to see through the blurry tears.

"What? What are you ta-" Zach started, but I cut him off.

"You're scared of me, huh?! Then just leave! You've done plenty already!" I said bitterly, slamming open the door.

"Cammie. I'm not scared of you." He grabbed my wrists and pinned me against the wall. I refused to look at him.

"Look at me Cammie." He didn't continue until my eyes were staring back into his bright green ones, only inches from my face. He was close too me, but the only part of me he was actually touching were my wrists.

"I'm not scared of you Cammie. I'm scared of losing you." He whispered.

"I'm not going to leave you." He leaned in closer, making it very obvious what he was going too do.

And I let him.

And for the first time in a very long time, it felt nice to be touched.

Something came to mind as Zach's lips were pressed against mine, my own molding too his.

Something Ben had once told me.

_We learn to love not by finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly..._

**AN: Okay, is it just me or are y'all like freaking out to?! I literally rewrote that scene 20 million times, and I still don't quite like it.**

**But, as promised, thanks to your 43 reviews (AWESOME BTW!) I have revealed Cammie's story.**

**God, I can't even imagine how horrible that would be. If I ever lost one of my brothers, especially if they were saving me... I don't know how Cammie's managed. Well I do- you don't.**

**So tell me, did you guys like the chapter?**

**And sorry I didn't post it last night, I had soccer try outs for my new team. And GUESS WHAAAAAT?! I MADE IT. *sonic boom***

**P.s you guys are the best. readers. ever.**

**P.p.s please review.**

**P.p.p.s read the last comment again.**

**P.p.p.p.s follow the instructions.**


	5. The cure

I pulled back, and blinked my eyes, trying to comprehend what just happened.

I checked over my mental list I had memorized while in the hospital.

_Chest pain? No._

_Choking? No._

_Dizziness? Not in the slightest._

_Nausea? No._

_Numbness? Nope._

_Racing heart? Shortness of breath? Well, yes. But I'm almost positive that's not from being touched._

"Are you okay?" Zach asked in a low voice, not moving.

"I-I guess? I haven't touched anyone is so long...I forgot how, nice, it is." I whispered, not trusting my voice enough to speak fully.

Zach's face broke out in an ear to ear grin.

"Is that enough proof I don't want to leave you?" He asked, still smiling.

"Yes...But Zach, please, consider what you're doing." I said, ducking under his arms and going to sit on the bed.

I wiped under my cheeks and my fingers came back stained with mascara.

_Great...I look like a racoon._

"What exactly am I doing?" Zach asked, sitting opposite of me.

"Zach... just don't do anything you'll regret. I don't want to take anything away from you. You could have any girl in this entire school, probably the whole city if you wanted. You're perfect in every single way and I'm- I'm not. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this as a pity thing. I've had enough pity to last me a lifetime. I don't want to be your new 'project'. I've been the project before, I don't need more people wasting their time and energy on me trying to 'fix' me. And it's true, I am broken. I need help. I want you to help me Zach... But please only do it if you want to." I said slowly, my eyes glued to the floor.

I couldn't deal with the guilt if he did this without really meaning it. If I was just another half hearted fling for him... I can't have someone else walk out on me.

All the broken pieces of me are barely sewn together, and he could very easily tear them to shreds.

And then again, he could also sew them tighter.

"With that in mind..." Zach slid down onto the floor and kneeled on one knee.

"Uh Zach!" I said, a little flustered and shocked. What the hell was he doing?!

"Cameron Morgan? Will you be my girlfriend?" Zach asked, looking up at me and widening his eyes to the point he looked like a puppy dog.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked skeptically, offering him yet another out.

"Just say yes already!" Zach exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

I giggled a little and smiled at him, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.

"Yes." I whispered in his ear, and he turned my face to kiss me again.

* * *

_**1 week later**_

I had been avoiding Zach like the plague at school, while spending every second with him outside of school.

I just didn't want people to know, I wasn't ready for the nasty comments, and horrible rumors that would be spread the second we went public.

Zach mistook this.

"Are you embarrassed of me or something?" He asked, breaking our comfortable silence as we sat, curled up next to each other on the couch.

"What? Where did that come from?" I raised my head from his chest to look at him, but his eyes were closed.

"Why don't you want people to know about us?" He asked, opening his eyes and raising one eyebrow.

"I'm scared of what people will think." I said, my voice getting progressively smaller under his heated gaze.

"You know thats ridiculous right?"

"Yeah..." I answered, averting my eyes.

"I won't let anybody hurt you." He whispered, tiliting up my chin and planting a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.

"Tomorrow?" I breathed, reassured by his words.

"Tomorrow." He agreed.

* * *

"Zach...everyone's going to notice." I shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat of his volvo.

"Isn't that kind of the point?" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, confirming my thoughts that he was smirking.

"Wipe that smirk off your face." I muttered, staring out the window.

What were people going to think of me, the crazy girl, with Zach Goode? The new hottie, the one with all the girls swooning after him.

Especially Macey.

_Well Macey, here's one thing your daddy can't buy you._

The drive to school was way too short, and in no time we were pulling into a parking space and Zach was walking around the car to open the door for me.

_How sweet._

I grabbed his hand and he helped me out of the car, not letting go of my hand even as we turned to walk into the building.

I tried to ignore everyone's stares as best I could, but there was no way I could not hear the comments spilling from ear to ear.

_"What's he doing with her?"_

_"A boy like him wasted on a girl like her..."_

_"She's only going to make him run for the hills once he realizes. And then there will be no chance for any of us!"_

_"I bet he's only with her because they had sex or something and he feels guilty."_

_"Oh my god you're so right."_

_"She's probably pregnant!"_

_"Dude, Cameron Morgan got knocked up by the new kid."_

But none was more obvious than the shrill sound coming from Macey's mouth.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" She screamed, barreling towards us in her 5 inch heels.

"Well Macey, I'm walking with my girlfriend to class. What are you up to?" Zach answered nonchalantly, and continued walking forward.

I giggled and looked over my shoulder at Macey, and even gave her a little wave.

She narrowed her eyes at me, and they seemed to turn from a warm friendly blue to an icy cold blue that could see straight through me.

"Later Mace!" I called, standing a little straighter and holding my head a little higher. Despite my reddening cheeks, I might have looked the picture of confidence.

As soon as we were in the doors, we shared a knowing look and started laughing so hard I could almost feel a 6 pack coming on.

"How did I end up with you and all your perfection?" I asked, smiling up adoringly at him.

It was true.

His perfectly messy hair, hard jaw line, high cheek bones, and his amazing eyes. He is the picture of perfection.

And me- Well. We all know how far from perfection I am.

"Well," Zach said, slinging his arm around my shoulders. And I didn't even flinch. "I believe the conversation went something like this. 'Zachary Goode, you are the most amazing, kindest, hottest, smartest, bravest, and hottest boy I've ever met. Will you pleeeeeeease go out with me?'" Zach mocked me in a shrill girly voice, sounding nothing like me.

I laughed and he smiled, looking so happy it only made me smile wider.

As he kissed me on the top of my head as we walked into class, a thought occurred to me.

_If pain from losing someone I loved is what made me like this, shouldn't gaining someone who loves me be the cure?_

**AN: SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER! Tsk tsk too me. Anyways... IT'S SUMMER! Which means, more frequent updates from me, and *hopefully* more people reading my story and *hopefully* more reviews. SO if you're a new reader, you should know: I. LOVE. REVIEWS. They are my fuel to write, no joke.**

**So yeah, please review!**


	6. Once in a blue moon

**AN: - Check out ch. 5 I added a scene, ya know, trying to please everyone.**

***cough cough those people saying certain things***

Cammie's POV

I sighed as I pulled into the parking lot, looking up at the office building I knew a little too well.

I climbed out of my car and pulled my sweater a little tighter around myself.

I was always so cold, so cold...

So much has happened since my last visit, I have a feeling todays session will be very intense.

I shivered as I rang the bell next to the little speaker.

"Dr. Steve's office, how may I help you?" A bored woman's voice spoke.

"Cameron Morgan, I have an appointment." Honestly, I think I'm his only patient, shouldn't they know me by now?

"Yes yes darling, come right in." The double doors swung open and I hurried inside, wanting to get out of the cold.

"Ahh Cammie, Cammie, so nice to see you again!" Dr. Steve said, walking out of the hallway on my right.

Like you have a choice.

"You too Dr. Steve." I said politely as he ushered me into his- rather- my room.

I looked around, although I've been in here many times before.

The white walls were voice of any pictures, any art. Anything that could provoke me.

The two chairs sat facing each other were simple leather, with a small coffee table in between.

I sat slowly, making a face at the faint scent of citrus leather wax still lingering on the chairs.

"So, is there anything you'd like to share?" He asked warmly, his megawatt smile showing for the fourth time in 5 minutes.

"Yes, actually, there is." This comes as a pleasant surprise to him. I hardly ever want to share anything with him. Most of the time our sessions consist of him trying to get me to talk and me ignoring him.

"I told you about Zach, the new boy at school." I started slowly, not quite sure where to start. Dr. Steve nods slightly, encouraging me to go on.

"Zach and I were partnered up for a project. So, I invited him over to work on it after school."

"That's great progress Cammie! Now what we should work on is-" I held up a finger to silence him.

"Somehow he already knew about Ben..." My voice drifted off as thoughts of our uh, conversation, filled my head. The familiar prickling sensation began in my eyes, so I blinked to ward off the tears.

"He said he didn't believe everyone, or the rumours. So, he grabbed my hand." Dr. Steve gasped.

"And how did you react? The normal thoughts and feelings? Or did something else happen?"

I thought about that, not quite knowing the answer.

"Before he did it, I was feeling guilty. Because I wanted to be his friend. And then, when he did do it, it was the usual. I even got dizzy, that doesn't usually happen. But there was another feeling. It was small and fleeting, I only felt it for a second. But I felt...happy. And then I asked him to leave. But he refused to go...until he knew I was okay."

"I see..." Dr. Steve said quietly, resting his head on his hand.

"It made me feel wanted. He didn't leave until I told him the whole story. Everything, Ben, my dad, Josh, everything. And...he didn't leave. He comforted me...he said that he's scared...of losing me. And then, he kissed me." I blurted, then blushed profusely.

"And how did you react?"

"It seemed as though the whole world stopped. Like the only thing that mattered was us two. I felt free, like I could do anything, and nothing could ever hurt me. I only get that feeling when I'm with him." I smiled down at my hands.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend. He makes me happy. But Dr. Steve, is this real? Can I really do this? I think he could really help me. He makes the pain go away. Is this what love is? I only met him a few weeks ago...how is it possible that he makes me feel so, complete?"

Dr. Steve took a deep breath and took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirt, and replaced them before continuing.

"Well Cammie. It seems there's been a lot of change in little time. When you lost Ben you lost someone very dear to your heart, and someone that filled you with lots of love. Your subconscious created irrational fears associated with love. But during your encounter with Zach, you were forced to face both. At the same time." He stood up and walked over to his window.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"It's opened your heart and your mind. And you're able to love this boy, and he's able to love you." Dr. Steve said simply.

"But is this real?! I only just met him! How can he make me feel this way?" I asked.

Turning to face me, I saw the hint of a smile, a real smile, tugging at his lips.

"Cameron, some people believe in a certain thing called love. How do we define love? How do we show it? How do we know when we're in it? Other people also believe in something called love at first sight. I do not."

I gaped at him, open mouthed. How could he say something like that?

He quickly walks over to me, and kneels in front of me. He grasps my hands in both of his and looks me in the eye.

"But once in a blue moon, there are two people that make me question my beliefs."

Tears begin to form in his eyes and he holds my hands tighter.

"Love knows no limits. It can make you the best person you can be, but in order to do that you have to open yourself up. To answer your question, I think you and Zach are in love. You just might not realize it quite yet."

He walked me to the door, and I remembered something.

"You know that song you told me to try and write?" I asked, walking past him onto the sidewalk.

"Yes, what about it?" He asked, sounding curious.

"I finished it." I gave him one last smile, before setting off for home.

I have an important night to get ready for, courtesy of one very handsome Zachary Goode.

**So yeah, um, nothing to say here...**

**Please review? :)**


	7. Puzzle Pieces

**AN: Okay. I don't even know- there are some really fucked up people in this world.**

**Yeah. Some of y'all are just...awful. There's no other word for it. Besides maybe unnecessary.**

**So all you people who are sending me PM's, telling me how you hate my stories, my writing, that it's awful, unoriginal and I quote from a messenger who will remain nameless "This story is everything I hate about fanfiction rolled into one. You have horrible characters, unrealistic circumstances, people saying things that nobody would, and most of all insta-love. And it's horrible."**

**And from another "Why do you even bother? Your writing isn't worth the time of day."**

**Another "This story is god awful, and that mental disease isn't even real. You should at least do your research."**

**I would just like to thank you.**

**Thank you for telling me that it's horrible for me to try and express my feelings through writing when something terrible happens in my life.**

**Thank you, for telling me one of the things I cherish most is horrible.**

**Thank you, for almost making me never want to type a single word ever again.**

**And then I realized something.**

**Some people just might never realize what it's like to go through something traumatic.**

**Well listen up and listen good.**

**It sucks.**

**Sure, this story was inspired by the sad story of a very REAL girl who went to my school.**

**That doesn't mean I don't take elements from my experiences and put it into the story.**

**No, my brother wasn't killed by a lunatic.**

**No, I don't have agoraphobia.**

**No, my father didn't skip town.**

**No, my friends don't hate me.**

**That doesn't mean I don't know how she felt that day when Zach was in her room. Why she had to tell him everything.**

**So to answer one specific person's question, as to why Cammie "just blurt everything out?"**

**She needed to.**

**When you're that alone in something, you feel like you can't talk about it.**

**So you put on a fake smile and pretend for everyone else's sake that you're okay. You go about your business. You do everything normal. You can go years without ever slipping.**

**But as soon as you're alone again, certain thoughts begin plaguing your mind.**

**They haunt you.**

**Nightmares.**

**Your worst thoughts come when you're asleep, and when you're asleep you can't escape them.**

**So you don't sleep, you're like a zombie.**

**You can hardly eat but you force the food down anyways, to trick the people around you into thinking you're okay.**

**So, why did Cammie "just blurt everything out?"**

**Here's my answer.**

**When you're in that state, and you find someone who will listen, and who isn't going to leave. Someone who will stay with you, no matter the cost. Someone who just might care about you...**

**It's like a blind man being given sight.**

**You're so grateful, and you can't help it.**

**Everything comes rising to the surface, and you're forced to deal with all the thoughts at once, all while sitting next to someone very willing to listen.**

**What do you think will happen next?**

**Yeah, you tell them.**

**So, to everyone out there giving me hate: This doesn't show who I am, it shows who you really are.**

Cammie's POV

I groaned in frustration, shoving aside all the clothes in my closet.

"I have nothing to wear!"

I didn't even know where Zach was taking me. He refused to tell me. How is a girl supposed to get ready if she doesn't know where the date is?

He'd given me only one hint: Cliche.

What the hell is that supposed to mean.

I pressed my fingers to my temples and rubbed in small circles.

This is going to be a long night...

"ZACH! Put me down!" I shrieked for the 5th time in the past minute.

"Never!" He shouted, hoisting me higher over his shoulder and running even faster around the park.

"Zaaaaaaaach!" I started pounding on his back with my fists, but he didn't even seem to notice. He does have a veryyy muscular back.

"Here we are!" He grabbed my hips and put me down in front of him. I wobbled a little, seeing as my feet hadn't been on the ground for the past 10 minutes.

"Pretty cliche huh?" He asked, grinning.

"Very." I got up on my tiptoes and pecked him on the lips.

"Okay, close your eyes." An evil glint was in his eyes, and I'm not quite sure what that means..

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just close your eyes!"

I willingly complied, and I heard him step away from me.

There were a few odd sounds and I swear I could have heard a match being lit, followed by excessive cursing. I held in my laughter and kept my eyes closed.

"Okay, now turn around." I heard Zach's voice from behind me, so I did.

"Open your eyes."

What I saw left me speechless.

He had laid out a blanket, and on top of it was a picnic basket, two candles lit atop it. Sandwiches, which I assume came from the basket, were put neatly on two plates alongside chips, carrots, and cherry coke.

"Zach.." I kneeled down on the blanket next to him.

"You don't have too say anything." He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Your hair smells amazing." He blurted.

"What?" I giggled, unable to help myself. Zach Goode almost never says something like that.

"Your hair smells good." He muttered, burying his face in my shoulder.

"Who knew Zach Goode had a romantic side?" I said, reaching for my sandwich.

"Nobody but you." He said, playfully wiggling his eyebrows and grabbing his own plate.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both of us just basking in the other's happiness.

"You seem...better than usual." Zach had been studying me for the better part of 15 minutes, and I had been doing the same to him.

I shrugged in response, and took another bite out of my sandwich.

"I uh, went to the therapist yesterday." I hung my head in shame and refused to raise my eyes.

"Well he must have said something good to put you in this kind of mood." Zach said, putting a finger under my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye.

"What happened?"

Instead of answering his question, I tilted my face up to meet his and pressed my lips softly to his.

It's funny how we fit together, like puzzle pieces.

Like two tiny pieces in the puzzle of life who have finally met their match.

"Well if that's how you're going to react every time I ask you about the therapist, I'll ask more often." Zach said breathlessly.

"He didn't say much. But he thinks that we're a good idea, he thinks you can help me." I said

"I think I can too." And with that, he pressed his lips to mine again.

Macey's POV

"I just- what does SHE have that I don't?! I could give him so much more than that pathetic little whiney brat ever could." I seethed, punching my pillow.

"I know, the boy's crazy." Bex said simply from her seat on the couch at the end of my bed.

"You know, that pathetic little whiney brat used to be your best friend, the least you could do is not call her that." Liz said nonchalantly, not even looking up from her book.

"WHAT did you just say?!" I demanded, stomping over and grabbing the book from her.

"Hey! I was reading that!"

"Oh my god, you're in cahoots with her!" Bex exclaimed, jumping up and joining me by her side.

"Are you, Elizabeth?" I asked, trying not to let the hurt seep into my voice.

"You guys are being ridiculous!" Liz snapped, standing up to face us. "Don't you see?! There are no sides, there is no cahoots. There's us, and then there's that poor girl who we left behind. That's it. What did she even ever do to us Macey?! Why do we all hate her so much?! Nothing, and it was the easy thing to do are the answers to both questions. And I'm sick of it. So you know what? I'm HAPPY for her and Zach. Because she finally has someone that won't make her life hell like we've been doing for the past year and a half. What happened to those friends who would do anything to see Cammie- yeah I said her name get over it- smile again? Huh? What happened to them?!" Liz was full on shouting now, and Bex and I had backed up too the other side of the room.

"You know what, maybe you should just go, Elizabeth." I said coldly, grabbing her backpack and throwing it at her.

She grabbed it and started for the door.

"Why don't you go visit your new best friend Cammie?" I asked tauntingly.

She stopped, and turned to face me.

_Uh oh, too far._

I've seen the look before.

Disappointment, disgust, and anger all rolled into one glare.

The same glare my parents give me whenever I try and talk to them.

And just like that, she was gone.

Cammie's POV

"So where to now Mr. Secretive?" I asked, smiling.

"Just shhhh and be patient." Zach said, glancing at me from the driver's seat. I crossed my arms and let out a huff.

"I hate being patient." Zach laughed and turned on the radio, and one of my favorite songs came on, so I started to sing along.

_All along it was a fever_

_A cold sweat hot-headed believer_

_I threw my hands in the air I said show me something_

_He said, if you dare come a little closer_

_Round and around and around and around we go_

_Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it_

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you_

_It takes me all the way_

_I want you to stay_

I look at Zach out of the corner of my eye, and he's staring at me in astonishment. I reach too turn the music down.

"What?"

"I-I didn't know you could sing. You're amazing!" He exclaims, giving me a huge grin.

"Learn something new everyday." I mutter, blushing.

"I mean it Cams, you're really good. You could even become a professional singer! Do you write your own songs?" He was so excited, I couldn't bear to break it for him.

"Maybe." I shrugged but I grinned so that he would know I did.

"Sing me one? Please?"

"I don't know, I don't think you'd like it."

"I promise I will."

"You can't promise you'd like a song when you've never heard it." I scolded him.

"Yes I can."

"No you can't"

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"Tie?"

"Tie." We both burst out in laughter that lasted so long we could hardly remember what caused it in the first place.

"So, really. Where are we going?" I asked, renewing my curiosity.

"I'm taking you to visit someone. You remind me of her."

"Who?"

"My sister."

**AN: So, if you don't feel like leaving me hate, please review.**


	8. My family

**AN: Okay, you guys are amazing.**

**Just plain amazing.**

**Thank you so much, to everyone out there, defending me, helping me, telling me the opposite of what those haters said. And I believe y'all over them ANY DAY.**

**So thank you too the following people, and shout outs to them because they are the best readers I could ever dream of:**

**XxCandyygirlxX**

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**Annie**

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**Zach-Goode'**

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**And the "very very vey special and most amazing readers" award goes to these two:**

**Operative CG16**

**NicoleGoode**

**Because they are amazing and I seriously almost cried talking to them.**

**And to all of you, every single one, who likes my writing and my stories, thank you too! Because without you I wouldn't be here.**

**Okay, I'm done. You can read.**

Cammie's POV

"You have a sister?" I was so shocked the question just kinda popped out without me thinking about it. I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised, why wouldn't Zach have siblings? I had just never pictured him with any. In fact...I really didn't know much about his family. We both tended to avoid the subject.

"We aren't actually related, I met her somewhere, a long time ago. We've been best friends ever since." Zah said quietly, staring fixatedly out the windshield.

"Will you tell me about her?"

"What do you want to know?"

I thought for a moment. I wonder why I remind him of her...

"Where did you meet her?"

Zach's lips pressed into a firm line and his eyes hardened. I could tell the subject made him extremely uncomfortable, and I didn't want to make him upset.

"You don't have too tell me." I said softly, putting my hand on his. He gripped it in hos warm one tightly.

"You told me your story, it's time I told you mine."

Zach's POV

"I grew up in the Philadelphia City Orphanage." There, I said it. I'd been keeping it a secret from her, I didn't think I would ever take her to meet Kaylie. I was always so ashamed to tell people about it. My parents didn't love me enough to keep me, they put me up for adoption. And then no one loved me enough to foster me. Where's the pride in that? There is none.

It's time I told her though. She deserves to know.

"You grew up in an orphanage?" Cammie's face was horrified, and pity and sorrow was starting to pool in her eyes.

"I never knew my parents. They put me in at birth and never looked back. They didn't leave me anything either. So I grew up in the orphanage. You would think with all the kids there, I would have had a friend. But I didn't. At least, not until Kaylie showed up." A small smile formed on my face as I thought of my best friend, and all the good things she made me realize life had to offer.

**_Flashback_**

"Zach, this is your new roommate, Kaylie. You two are the same age, why don't you show her to the room?" I peeked out from behind the old lady's legs, wondering what Kaylie would be like.

Maybe we can be friends...

I studied her for a moment, taking in the sight before me.

Well she's a fresh newbie.

Her big brown eyes were still red and puffy from all of her recent crying, and her clothes were tattered and dirty. She had only a small pink backpack with her, and her brown curls had been messily pulled up into a ponytail.

"Hi." I said shyly. "I'm Zach." I offered my hand for her, and she gently took it. "Kaylie."

I led her away from the front desk, up two flights of stairs, and down the hallway. I held open the door for her as she walked inside, taking in the sparsely decorated room and small furniture.

"That bed can be yours." I said, motioning to the bed on the opposite side of the room.

She slowly walked over to it and set down her backpack, before turning to face me.

"I wanna go home." She said, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. I ran over to her and grabbed her in a hug.

"It's okay, you'll be okay after a little while. It's not so bad here, the food is good and the people are really nice. And I'm sure one day someone who will love us very much will come and take us to live with them and they can be our parents." As soon as I said the words I regretted them because Kelsie burst into tears.

"But I want my parents! I don't want someone else's!" She wailed.

"What happened to yours?" I asked, trying to calm her down.

"I don't know. We were in the car driving to school, and then something big hit us. All I remember is my mommy opening my door, and then someone grabbed me. Then, I woke up in the hospital and the doctor told me my parents had died in the car crash. I cried for a few days and stayed in the hospital until a lady came and picked me up today and brought me here. Why am I here? Does no one else want me?" She had calmed down enough to talk in a straight voice, but her eyes were full of tears still.

"It's okay, no one wants me either." I said, holding her a little tighter.

**_Flash forward a little_**

"Kaylie! If we get caught we'll be in so much trouble!" I whispered frantically, trying too convince her to abort the mission.

"Shhhhhh we're almost too the kitchen." Kaylie answered sharply, giving me a look that clearly said SHUT UP.

"But-"

"SHH!"

I shut my mouth and proceeded climbing through the air vents behind her, heading towards the kitchen.

"I can smell the cookies." Kaylie whispered, a glorious smile on her face.

"Kaylie if we get caught-"

"Just tie this rope around me and DO NOT LET GO." Kaylie said sternly, handing me a rope we had gotten out of the utility closet.

"But-"

"Just do it!" I sighed and tied the rope twice around her middle, and securing it with a tight knot.

"Shhh." She whispered, raising a finger to her lips. She removed the vent in front of us, which was directly above the counter in the kitchen.

"They're on break in 1 minute." I mouthed too Kaylie, checking my watch. She nodded, and watched through the whole, until everyone had left.

"Now." She whispered, and hung her feet onto the space below. I backed up to have more room, and she scooted forward a bit so she was dangling in the hole.

"Lower me, slowly." She said, holding tightly onto the rope.

I slowly started to let the rope inch through my fingers, holding very tight so as not to drop her. At least she's small, only about 90 pounds...Pulling her back up will be the problem.

"Got them!" I heard Kaylie's triumphant whisper, and I immediately started pulling back on the rope.

"Gahh geeze what have you been eating!" I muttered as I continued to haul her up.

"I heard that!"

"Oops." As soon as she could put her hands on the inside of the vent, I reached over too help her up, and we replaced the square just as people were returning from their break.

"Phew. Here's your cookie." Kaylie said, handing me a slightly squished, but still warm, chocolate chip cookie.

My mouth watered at the sight of it. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had something sweet.

"Mission accomplished."

**_Flash forward a little more_**

"Kaylie! Wake up, Kaylie you're having a nightmare! Kaylie!" I shook her shoulders and pinched her arm to wake her up, and finally her eyes peeled back to look at me.

"I'm sorry...I keep waking you up." Kaylie whispered, looking at me sadly.

"It's okay. Anything for my best friend right?" I gave her a small smile and gripped her hand.

"You'll be fine on your own you know. You're stronger than I am." She had a grin on her face but her tone wasn't joking in the slightest. After a moment of silence, I decided to tell her the truth.

"I don't want you to leave tomorrow." I said, my voice cracking and my eyes filling with tears. I was a 17 year old boy, not a robot. Losing your best friend is a horrible feeling, so yes, I'm going to cry.

"Don't cry, don't cry. Please don't cry." She whispered soothingly, holding me in a hug. "I'll only be gone a few months. And I'll be at the University of West Virginia, you can come visit me any time, you know that. And in a few months, on your 18th, you can go anywhere you want. You can go live your senior year anywhere. And I'll always just be a hop skip and a plane ride away." She said lightly, trying too make me feel better.

"You're the closest thing I have to a family, Zach." She said softly, kissing me on the cheek.

"You are my family." I replied, hugging her tighter.

_**Flashback over**_

"Zach I'm so sorry." Cammie whispered, her voice cracking. I looked over to see tears filling her eyes and starting to spill over. "I had no idea, you- I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't like people knowing, my parents left me. Why would I want to tell anyone?" I replied calmly, wiping the few run away tears with the back of my hand.

"So they can help you." She said softly. "It's okay not to be okay."

I looked at her, wondering for the millionth time how I was so lucky. How did I end up with such perfection?

"I know that now." I smiled at her, a real, genuine, face splitting smile. And the answering one was what caused the butterflies in my stomach.

"You're going to love Kaylie, Cammie."

"I can't wait to meet her."

"Good, because we're here."

**AN: Sorry it's kinda short, I got back from Soccer camp tuesday (a day early mind you) because this stupid girl decided to kick the ball from 5 feet away straight too my head while I was on the ground, and she gave me a concussion. So that's why I didn't update yesterday (I wasn't allowed too use the computer) and had to wait until today. Eek sorry. BUT SOCCER CAMP WAS SO MUCH FUN OMFG SOCCER BOYS AHHHHH HOTTEST BOYS AROUND! No joke, every single boy there had a 6 pack and gorgeous face.**

**Okay, I'm going to start on the next chapter of Unpredictable because it's been awhile since I updated that one.**

**I love you all :)**


	9. I'd consider you a mess too

**AN: Hm okay. So I need your guys' opinion on this chapter. I really kinda felt off while writing it, so in your review tell me what ya think. Please. And thank you. :)**

Cammie's POV

I followed Zach's lead as we walked toward Kaylie's dorm, not saying anything, just holding his hand.

But from the look on his face that was exactly what he needed.

We stopped before a large oak door, and Zach turned to me, looking slightly nervous.

"It's just...Kaylie can be-intense, sometimes. But she wouldn't do anything to provoke you, she'll yell occasionally but that's about it. She's just angry at the world for the most part."

"Hey, it's gonna be fine. I want to meet her." I assured him, giving his hand a slight squeeze.

He opened his mouth as if to say something, then quickly shut it, an easy smirk resting on his lips.

"I know. I just don't want any drama between my two leading ladies."

"You are so cocky." I muttered under my breath as he knocked on the door, causing his smirk to grow.

The door opened, and before us stood who I would assume is Kaylie.

She had slightly tan skin, with dark brown waves flowing silkily down her back. She was a little taller than me, maybe 5'8. She was extremely curvy for her height though, and she probably outnumbered me 2:1 in the boob area. Her warm hazel eyes looked up and down Zach, before shock registered in them.

"Zach?" She asked, her voice cracking.

"It's me Kaylie." He let go of my hand to wrap her in a hug, but released her quickly much to my relief.

"Oh my god! Why are you here?" Kaylie demanded, her eyes dancing with mischief. "Don't tell me you got in trouble with the cops." She smirked, and at that moment I would have thought they were brother sister.

"Actually, I brought someone to meet you." He extended his hand back out to me, and quickly pulled me into his side. "Kaylie, this is my girlfriend, Cammie." The pride in his voice as he announced this was undeniable, and the thought brought a dazzling smile to my face.

However, the look on Kaylies face was quite different.

First shock, the denial, then amusement rolled across her face.

"Okay, be honest here. How much is he paying you?" I could tell she was joking by the light in her eyes and the slight blush on her cheeks.

"Lets just say its worth very penny." I winked, and Kaylie burst out laughing much to Zach's disamusement.

"Not funny Kaylie." He frowned, and I squeezed his hand again, letting him know its okay

"Yeah whatever Zachary. Come on in guys." She waved us through the door.

The dorm was extremely small, and obviously meant for only one person. We sat at the small coffe table, awkwardly making eye contact.

"You said you brought her here to meet me. Why?" Kaylie asked, staring at Zach, trying to read his face.

"Cammie's been through similar things to you. I was thinking it might help both of you to talk to eachother."

I think Kaylie and I should be given the award for "best simultaneous glare".

"You know. I hate talking about that!" Kaylie exclaimed at the same time I said, "Zach, I can't tell her."

Zach let out snort and looked at both of us in turn.

"You're both lying and you know it. So, I'm gonna go pick up a pizza, leave you two to it." He stood up and I barely had time to say his name before he had slammed the door shut with a resounding thud.

"I'm sorry you have to date that. He's a mess." Kaylie stated, after a momet of awkward silence.

The absolute irony in this statement caused me to laugh, earning me a half amused, half angry look from Kaylie.

"What's so funny?" She murmured, trying to read my expression.

"If he's a mess, I wonder what you would consider me." I said, still slightly laughing.

Kaylie tilted her head to the side and studied me. Under her heated gaze, I quickly stopped laughing and became uncomftorable, shifting in my seat.

"No show dad?" My jaw dropped, and I couldn't find it in me to shut it.

Kaylie shrugged, and continued to study me.

"Someone died...your mom?" I could barely remember how to shake my head.

"Brother maybe?" I finally had the common sense to stop her.

"Kaylie don't-"

"Yeah I'd consider you a mess too." Kaylie stopped, wait her for my warning, or simply to giggle. "I guess you guys were just made for eachother then."

I breathed a loud sigh of relief that she wasnt going to push the issue, and wiped a small bead of sweat off my brow.

"Don't tell me- panic attacks?" Kaylie asked, finally picking up on my distress.

I didn't say anything, might as well let her know the better half of it.

"It's more than that." She leant over the table and grabbed my hands. I stiffened, but didnt pull away. "It's okay. Trust me,everything gets so much better after high school. My panic attacks finally stopped when I started taking therapy seriously- but it's worse for you. Isn't it?" She forced me to look into her eyes, and they were blazing with anger.

I nodded slowly, taking time to collect myself. I still wasnt used to anyone but Zach touching me.

"I have agoraphobia." I said quietly.

"Sounds about right." Kaylie said, leaning back in her chair. "But what about Zach?"

I sighed, not wanting to have this conversation with a near stranger.

"He really has been helping. So far, I haven't had anymore panic attacks with him around. It's hard though, I keep thinking he's going to hurt me. That eventually he'll want a real girl and leave me. There's so many things he gives me that I can't return..." My voice drifted off as it got harder and harder to talk with the tears forming in my eyes.

"Zach would never do that. I know he seems like that kind of guy, but he's really just a kid that never got loved, so now he wants to show someone else his love." She stopped talking, lost in thought.

"I know. But I can't help but worry..."

"Do you have any talents? Like dancing or singing?" She asked suddenly.

"I suppose...I sing and write songs and poetry." I said uncertainly.

"Good. Don't stop, It helps."

"Yeah, it does."

"What does what?" Zach asked, strolling through the door.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." I said, turning to grin at him.

"Liar. I think you were talking about something." He said, swooping me up an planting a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Yes. And that's none of your business Mr." I said poking him in the chest.

"Aw Cammie, I'm wounded." Zach said mockingly, holding his hands over his heart.

"Alright love birds, get outta here." Kaylie said good naturedly, offering me a small smile.

"It was nice to meet you Kaylie." I said politely as I stood up. As I did so, my purse ski off my shoulder, and a very important- very secretive- item fell out.

Zach stooped to pick it up before I could, and he turned to me in wonder, having read the cover.

"Can I read it?!"

**AN: Remember, tell me what you think**.


	10. What kind of sane girl would write that?

**AN: More cussing than usual in this chapter, because about half of it is in Zach's POV lol.**

**Um. Read the AN at the bottom. And then please don't give me hate about my poems :)**

Cammie's POV

"NO!" I screeched, jumping for the journal. When he held it high above my head and I couldn't reach it, I let out a groan of frustration. "Zach give it back!"

He smirked and raised an eyebrow, holding it higher over my head.

"Please Cammie? Please please please? Or even better you can sing me one!" He exclaimed, looking so excited he could match a 5 year old on Christmas morning.

"Zach I really don't think you should read them!"

"Nonsense, I'll love them." He reached out his free arm to pull me against his chest, and buried his face in my hair. "Please?"

I pulled away, my mouth set in a firm line.

I suppose it wouldn't hurt if he read a few, but if he read the entire thing he would be sure to break up with me?

I mean, what kind of sane girl would write what I write?!

None.

Kaylie was regarding us in interest, looking from me, to Zach, to the journal in his hands.

"Okay, here's the deal. You can pick one page. One page. And you can read the poems and/or songs on that page. I usually have 4 or 5 on a page. Fair deal?" I stuck my hand out, which he reluctantly shook.

"One day Cammie, one day I will get you to read me all of these." He smirked at me, something which I have come to love/hate about him.

He opened up my journal to a random page, towards the beginning, and I slightly shook in fear of what he was about to read. All of those poems were about, Ben.

He began to recite out loud:

_"The only thing I am_

_It consumes me_

_No longer an innocent lamb_

_I was sent to slaughter_

_But something went wrong_

_Now he will never have a daughter_

_In saving me_

_He brought about my destruction_

_I have nobody_

_All I have is the dark_

_Eating me inside out_

_Leaving it's mark_

_I cannot live_

_I cannot love_

_I cannot forgive_

_It should have been me,_

_He could have lived_

_But he's up there now to oversee_

_Slowly crumbling_

_About to crack_

_I can barely feel the sting_

_of tears on my cheeks_

_As I receive_

_countless critiques_

_I'm pushed aside_

_Not that they know_

_Inside I've already died"_

I remember the day I wrote that poem. My father had left a few weeks prior, and my friends were starting to grow more and more distant...

I heard my mom staying up late every night crying, and I just couldn't help but feel that if it had been me and not Ben, none of this would have happened.

It was silent for a moment, and something wet hit me in the face. For a second I thought it was raining, until I realized I was crying.

"Oh no no no Cammie." Zach said, dropping the book and grabbing me.

And when I finally reacted, I clutched him to me and held on with everything I had. He held me against his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, surrounded by all things Zach. A distinct smell of coffee, aftershave, and something I can only describe as Zach invaded my nostrils.

"Shh Cammie it's okay... Shhh..." Zach said in a soothing voice, rubbing my head in a soothing motion.

"It should have been me Zach. He should still be here!" I wailed, letting out a sob that literally hurt my chest.

"No Cammie, don't you ever say that!" Zach said fiercely, holding my face between his hands, forcing me to look into his eyes. "Ever."

But even his deep green emerald orbs couldn't help me this time.

"Zach you better calm her down before this turns into a full blown panic attack." Kaylie warned in a strong voice before quietly slipping out of the room. She must have noticed my shaking legs, I don't know if anything else would have given me away.

"Cammie listen to me please you have to calm down. Okay none of this is your fault and I promise you I will always be here for you, I just need you to calm down. Breathe Cammie, just breathe." He took a deep breath and let it out, motioning for me to do the same.

I tried.

I just couldn't.

I was suffocating.

I couldn't breathe.

Zach's alarmed face was the last thing I saw before I stopped fighting my heavy lids, and closed my eyes.

Zach's POV

"Oh Christ, Cammie, Cammie!" I gently, let her body lay down on the carpet, unsure of what too do.

"God DAMMIT!" I shouted, turning and punching one of the walls behind me.

"I can't do this, I don't know how to do this! How am I supposed to do this?! I love her, but I don't know if I can help her..." My voice changed from shouting angry to crying softly, in the time it took me to say that statement.

I love her.

I love her so _goddamn much_.

But I have no idea how to help her.

I crumpled onto the floor, as my legs couldn't hold me up anymore.

I was being pressed down by too many things now.

"She'll be fine. You remember all those times I would pass out in your arms don't you?" Kaylie said consolingly, as she started to rub my tense shoulders.

"I don't know if I can do this Kaylie. She fucking passed out because I couldn't calm her down. I love her and I can't even calm her down!" Several tears began to make their way down my cheeks, and I let them.

No use trying to hide my weakness now.

"You listen to me Zachary Goode." Her voice was hard now, as she walked in front of me and kneeled down, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look up. Her eyes were cold as stone, no longer feeling sorry for me.

That's the thing with Kaylie.

She only feels sorry for you when she thinks you deserve it.

And if she thinks you don't...

Brace for the wrath of satan himself.

"You can't give up on this girl. Because if you do, you'll hurt her more than any of the other fucked up things she's gone through all added up together. She loves you Zach. Isn't that obvious?! If you leave her now, I can guarantee she'll leave too." I gasped, and shot over to Cammie's side.

"No, she wouldn't. Cammie wouldn't be stupid enough to-" I started, but Kaylie cut me off harshly.

"I can guarantee you she's already tried. Zach if you leave her you're signing off on her death."

"I can't, I can't I can't I can't..." I repeated, pulling Cammie's head into my lap, and looking at her.

She looks so young, so innocent. Does that happen to everyone when they're asleep. Her features are relaxed, maybe even happy. Her mouth is turned in a sideways grin, her lips slightly parted.

"Well you better find a way."

I leaned down and planted a soft, sweet kiss on Cammie's lips.

And in that moment, I finally realized what I needed to do.

I think I had already known, deep down, I could never leave her.

I had only been doubting myself.

But now I know what I have to do to prove that to her.

Two things if I'm being specific.

She only needs to hear those 3 little words she's been dying to hear since her life turned to shit. So why haven't I said them?

I was scared.

I was scared she wouldn't feel the same way.

When in reality, me leaving her would be so much worse than her leaving me.

Oh yeah, and that other little thing I have to do?

I have to get her friends back.

"Shouldn't be too hard." I murmured, leaning down to kiss her again, lingering a bit longer this time.

"Well whatever you're planning to do, read this." Kaylie tossed Cammie's journal up in the air for me to catch, which I did. I stared at it, wondering if all of her poems would make her react the same way.

Surely there have to be a few happy ones, right?

"You'll only find out if you read it... And besides, it will probably give you a lot of insight as to what she's afraid of. And Zach, " Kaylie said lightly, handing me a warm cup of coffee. "All you have to do is make sure she isn't afraid anymore."

I nodded, and opened up to the first few pages.

The pages were covered in sloppily scrawled, neatly printed, and messily written poems.

I could tell which ones she was freaking out when writing, and which ones she had a calm, level head.

The first hundred poems or so really didn't surprise me, and I found the one I had read aloud, was probably the worst one I could have chosen to read aloud.

Some of them were happy in fact, memories of time Cammie spent with Ben, or her father.

And then one poem shocked me so much I had to stop and re read it, to make sure I had understood correctly.

_"I dare you to jump_

_They think I never will_

_But all I need is one little bump_

_To send me over the edge_

_I've never been closer_

_As I stand here on the ledge"_

_"I can't fight any longer_

_If my enemies get stronger_

_I'll be forced to give in_

_to the pain"_

The poems took on a much darker note here, and I knew Cammie would never ever want anyone to know this part of her.

Too bad she has me, and I intend to know every part of her.

I continued reading, becoming engrossed in her words.

They swirled around me, forming a dark black cloud, which normally appears inside Cammie's head.

And as I reached the end, towards the more recent poems she had written, I began to feel more and more uneasy.

And more and more like all of these poems had a pattern, and that they were all about a specific someone.

_"He is the light; the good_

_I can't take that away_

_As loving him would_

_Before he's hurt as well_

_I need to stop_

_I cannot put him through this hell_

_The one of pain_

_The one I've tried to escape_

_so many times in vain_

_I need to stop loving him_

_Before I'm torn_

_limb from limb_

_Before my heart_

_is torn_

_Apart"_

The entire poem was written in red ink, and shaped like a heart, which Cammie had then drawn an arrow through.

I had a hunch who the poem was about, but I shoved the thoughts aside and kept reading.

Now, as a disclosure, my heart nearly stopped when I read the following poem:

_"You've given me so much_

_In such a short time_

_I don't want you to leave_

_Is that such a crime_

_You're my hallelujua_

_You're my saving grace_

_And I know that to you_

_I'm not just a pretty face_

_I'm everything you need_

_I've struggled, just like you_

_The world can be a cruel cruel place_

_We both know this is true_

_However, the world led me to you_

_For that I am ever grateful_

_Now I can't live without you_

_It all seems very fateful_

_And I know, in this moment_

_As you lean in for the kiss_

_I feel what you're trying to say_

_As I'm drowning in bliss_

_I am a fool in love_

_Hopelessly and undeniably in love_

_and I've written all these words_

_Because it is the best thing to write of"_

And right below the poem, was a small handwritten note, which had been taped into her journal.

_I, Cameron Morgan, am in love with Zachary Goode_

**AN: Okay, so first things first: I am extremely sorry for the crappiness of this chapter.**

**I know, I know, it's all over the freaking place, and super choppy, so I apologize for all of that. I just didn't want to end before Zach read all the poems, but I didn't want to end with just a poem, so yeah...**

**Secondly: Yes, I wrote all the poems in this chapter and yes, I know they were horrible.**

**I wanted to try and write them myself anyways, and I found out something new about myself!**

**I. Suck. At. Writing. Poetry.**

**Learn something new every day, eh?**

**So yeah, thats pretty much it.**

**Ugh I also suck at writing in Zach's POV so sorry about that also.**

**Review if you want, I know it sucked.**

**Sorry :/**

**XOXO Mia**


	11. Apology

**AN: Dear "Guest" you reviewed about 10 minutes ago, in the middle of me writing this chapter, so I would assume you might read this.**

**Although I'm questioning why you even read it in the first place, if you were just going to review it and say "it is off :)" "please and i beg DON'T WRITE ANOTHER WORD TO THIS GOD AWFUL STORY thanks :)" "bitch don't get happy"**

**Hi hello, yes you, the girl who has serious issues.**

**Like what the f is wrong with you? **

**You seriously think, that by trying to put me down and call my story god awful, and calling me a bitch, that I'm going to stop writing it? **

**You have fun thinking your little opinion, and go stand in line with the rest of the people waiting for me to give a fuck.**

**In fact, I might be so bold as to thank you, because if anything, you've only made me want to continue writing even more.**

**And can I just say one more thing.**

**You're extremely lucky that you insulted me and not someone who would have actually taken you seriously. Don't you realize your words can hurt? Being a bully and putting people down will get you nowhere in life, and you might even take a life, without even knowing it.**

**Seriously, don't ever fuck with me again or I'll rip you tongue out, so you won't have the chance to ever bully someone again.**

**Since you did it several times to me, in a row, I'm assuming this is not the first time you've bullied someone. I severely hope it's the last.**

**I'm sure you're really an amazing person, who's just trying to feel better about yourself.**

**Well stop trying to feel better about yourself by putting others down. **

**Love yourself for who you are, there's no need to bully.**

"Are you gonna be okay by yourself tonight?" Zach asked worriedly as he pulled into my driveway, shutting off the engine. I looked over at him, a fresh wave of guilt washing over me.

"Really Zach, I'm fine. I shouldn't have reacted that way it's just..." I trailed off, at a loss for words. Truthfully I had no explanation for the panic attack. I thought I could handle Zach reading them, I had even thought about showing him for Christ's sake. And hearing them couldn't have possibly caused it, I read over those poems almost every day.

Not knowing the reason behind the panic attack, or knowing that there wasn't a reason at all, scared me more than anything.

So, naturally, instead of explaining this all to a probably already emotionally exhausted Zach, I kept my mouth shut and changed the subject.

"Thank you for taking me to meet Kaylie. I like her." I leaned over and softly pressed my lips against his cheek, and I saw him visibly relax.

He climbed out of the car and came around to open my door, helping me out. He took my hand and didn't let go, even as we came to the front door.

"I meant it, thank you for taking me. I'm sorry it didn't quite go the way it should have." I said earnestly, getting up on my tiptoes so I could look him in the eye better. His dark eyes, normally bright and shinig, were a sign of just how upset he was.

"Cammie I'm sorry, I never should have pushed you too let me read your poems and-" I put my finger on his lips to quiet him, giving him a slight smile.

"Trust me Zach, it wasn't you." I started to lean in, and our lips were just barely brushing each other's when my front door slammed open.

We both jumped apart, startled by the sudden noise, and my mouth dropped open at the person standing in my doorframe.

_"LIZ?!"_

* * *

"Honestly Cammie, I meant every single word of what I said." Liz said, a small amount of pleading creeping into her voice. We were all sitting at my dining room table, and Zach and I listened as Liz recounted the story of her weekend, which was almost as interesting as ours.

I gripped my mug full of tea tighter, and tried to think. I couldn't help but wonder if this was some elaborate joke they were trying to pull. It honestly wouldn't surprise me- they'd done similar things before.

"Cammie I promise you, this isn't a joke. I really did say that to Macey and Bex, and Macey really did kick me out of her house. I've been waiting at yours since Saturday night, waiting for you to get home so I could explain everything, which I just did. But what I didn't do, was apologize." She tentatively reached across the table and gently patted the back of my hand. I saw Zach watching, practically holding his breath in anticipation.

I got the same jolt as when anyone used to touch me before, but I took a deep breath, preparing to fight it.

I didn't pull away.

"I'm so so sorry Cammie. There's no excuse in the world for how we treated you, and I'm ashamed to say I ever participated. I should have stood up for you- actually, I should have stood by you. I left you, when you needed me most, and I will regret that more than anything in the entire world. I'm so sorry Cammie, it just got so hard!" Liz wailed, little sniffles beginning to make an apperance.

"When you wouldn't talk, to anyone, after the, er- incident- things got so complicated. Macey and Bex used to say from the beginning that we shouldn't be friends with you, that we would get bullied along with you. I got them to stick around another year or so, but then your dad left and you just completely shut off. You remember those days don't you? You locked yourself in your room and wouldn't come out, no matter what we did. That might compensate slightly for us finding new friends, but then we became our own nightmare! We started to bully you!" Liz was full out sobbing now, and I couldn't do anything but stare on in shock.

"I'm so ashamed of what we did Cammie, I would do anything to take it back. I'm so sorry for that day in Freshman year. It was us Cammie, it was all of us, Macey, Bex, Grant, Nick, Jonas, Josh, even Dee. We put the posters all around school, and Nick's the one who was in the costume with the fake chainsaw."

Her words hit me like a slap in the face. Up until now I had no idea who would have ever done that to me, and knowing now that it was some of my best friends makes me feel like the most unloved person in the entire world. I vaguely felt Zach coming to sit with me, brushing the hair out of my face, saying comforting things into my ear.

I held onto that, trying not to lose it.

But I couldn't stop the onslaught of memories.

I remember how cold it was that day, it was November I think, which would account for the cool temperature and biting wind.

School had just ended, and I was walking through the courtyard to get to the parking lot and walk home.

That's when I noticed the hundreds of posters plastered over the lockers and walls, all depicting one thing.

Somehow they had photoshopped a picture of me, smiling, standing next to a noose.

My brother was hangin in that noose.

My hand was pulling the rope.

I remember not being able to breathe, being physically unable to get air into my lungs. I started running down the hall, just trying to get out. I had never had a panic attack before, so I had no idea what to do.

Everyone was staring at me, laughing, pointing, shoving the poster in my face. The entire school was in the halls now.

I remember running down the stairs when someone pushed me from behind, the touch alone sent me into hysterics, not to mention tumbling down the stairs and twisting my ankle.

I remember a few people tried to help me up, but others shoved them out of the way. I forced myself to stand on my ankle, and tried to walk out the front door. Just as I was about too, someone wearing a hockey mask jumped in front of me with a chainsaw.

I went crazy.

My vision tinted red and before I could process what I was doing I jumped on them, pushing them to the floor and kicking them with my good leg, punching for all I was worth.

Finally people pulled me off of whoever it was- Nick- and all the different dirty, grimey hands on me only made things worse. I threw up on the floor, and everyone jumped back, giving me a wide 15 foot radius.

The principal called an ambulance, and I thought it was for Nick.

And then they shoved me inside, taking me to the psychiatric ward and practically locking me up for a year.

"It was_ you_?" My voice was soft and small, but there was unmistakable horror in it.

"I'm so so sorry Cammie it was horrible, I was the only one who felt awful after what we did, I cried for weeks when you didn't come to school, I felt so guilty I could hardly stand it. You didn't come back until next year, and by then, Bex and Macey had threatened me enough to scare me out of standing up for you. I'm so sorry-" Liz was rambling, trying to say her apology through her tears but I couldn't even stand to look at her.

"GET OUT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR TRAITOR FACE AGAIN!" I screamed, standing up so suddenly my chair was knocked backwards on the ground. I pointed an accusing finger at Liz, my own tears forming and threatening to spill over. "I will_ never_ forgive you for what you did, Elizabeth."

She hung her head and left without a fight, for which I was grateful. I would deal with her another time.

"Cammie I'm so sorry." I spun to see Zach, standing a mere 6 inches away. I had completely forgotten he was here. I glanced at the clock on the microwave, noticing it was almost 2 in the morning. I know I should have let him go home, let him sleep, but I couldn't help myself.

"Oh Zach!" I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck, hoping that somehow, I could stay there forever.

**AN: So if you ain't a bully, show some love in your review instead3 :)**


	12. Because I love you

**Okay warning there's a lot of mature themes in this chapter, well. Idk it's pretty much as bad as the rest of the stuff, but there is talk of rape. Oh and the ending to this chapter is what WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! Eek. Oh and there is the world's longest AN at the bottow lol beware.**

* * *

A motion underneath me stirred me from my sleep, and my eyes fluttered open. I sat up slowly, stretching my arms around me. That was the best sleep I've had in a long time, and I've never felt this rested.

"Finally awake sleeping beauty? It's almost noon." I nearly jumped hearing Zach's voice, coming from underneath me. I gave a small squeak of surprise and scuttled backwards, to the other side of my bed.

_Well at least I don't have to go to school..._

I looked at Zach, and saw he was laying on his side, looking at me with amusement in his eyes. Oh, and he was shirtless.

"Jesus, don't give me a heart attack." I stammered, putting a hand over my racing heart, no longer racing from surprise. A small blush made it's way onto my cheeks, but mercifully, Zach ignored it. I tried not to gawk at how well defined his muscles looked, or his absolutely mouthwatering 6 pack. Tried being the key word there. Finally I tore my eyes and looked him in the eye, still blushing.

"Sorry I scared you." Zach said as he scooted closer to me, giving me a quick apology peck. He reached for my hand underneath the sheets and squeezed it gently.

"Hang on, Zach... What are you doing- in my bed- shirtless?!" I screeched, jumping up and out of the bed. I reached up and pulled at my hair, shutting my eyes tightly. "Please, please tell me we didn't do that."

I felt more than saw heard him get up off the bed, and slide his hands around my waist, pulling me against his hard chest. He ran a hand softly through my hair and that small gesture was comforting enough, that I calmed down enough to talk.

"Zach..." I said in a warning tone. If we did, I'd prefer he didn't drag out telling me.

"No, of course we didn't. I would never, ever, take advantage of you like that Cammie. Not unless I knew that you were one hundred percent sure you wanted it. Even then maybe I wouldn't. I can't stand the thought of hurting you, in any way, shape, or form."

The tears welled up in my eyes, and my throat closed up. Maybe he thought they were happy tears from his kind words, because he simply brushed them away gently with his thumb, cupping my face on either side.

He leaned down and pressed a soft, lingering kiss on my lips. Through the hazy vision caused by my tears, I could tell he had a big smile on his face. His eyes lit up and they seemed to sparkle with happiness. His smile widened even more, his eyes crinkling. I saw a flash of determination in his eyes, before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Because I-"

"It wouldn't hurt Zach." I choked out through my tears. A sob wracked my body and I coughed so hard, I doubled over.

"Cammie!" The alarm in his voice was apparent, and I felt him gently sweep me up into his arms, and then place me back onto my bed. He pulled the covers up to my neck before climbing in next to me, and pulling me against his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head. I put my hands on his chest, and felt a little guilty for him comforting me yet again for what seems like the millionth time in the past 72 hours.

I'm not sure how much time passed, but I was able to get my sobs under control, and breath normally. Once I could, I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent I could only describe as Zach. He smelled like coffee, and worn off cologne, and aftershave. But mostly, he smelled like Zach.

Also, the fact I was able to get under control relatively quickly, told me it hadn't yet evolved into a full blown panic attack. Which is good, seeing as they'd been becoming a more frequent occurrence.

I frown, but quickly stop as something warm presses against my lips.

I smile into the kiss, knowing only Zach could ever make me feel like this.

"You're okay." He breathed, relief flooding his voice. He pulled back slightly so he could look me in the eye, and all trace of the happiness and laughter I saw before was gone. Instead, it had been replaced with worry, and fear.

"I'm okay." I confirm.

Neither of us speak for several minutes, simply basking in the other's presence.

"Cammie," Zach starts off, his tone matching the worry in his eyes. I instantly tense up, knowing exactly what he's going to ask me.

I still haven't told him, this is the one thing in the world I hadn't told him.

The one thing I hadn't told _anyone._

The one thing I wasn't quite sure I was ready to tell.

"Cammie what did you mean earlier, when you said it wouldn't hurt. You're not a, not a uh-"

"Zach." I say softly, reaching my hand up and resting it on his cheek. He refuses to meet my eyes however, and looks to the side. I sigh, deciding I need to tell him soon, just not today.

"It's the second worst decision I've ever made, in my entire life. I regret it every single day." I bite my lip to contain another sob, and fight the memories threatening to overtake my mind. I shove them to the back of my head, to be dealt with later. When I'm alone.

I do hear the unasked question in the silence though.

_What was the worst decision ?_

Thankfully though, he leaves the question unasked. He slowly turns towards me, his eyes showing complete and utter betrayal. My mouth flies open and I gasp, knowing why he wouldn't face me.

"It was a long, long time ago Zach. I didn't- I didn't know you." I say quickly, and his eyes soften ever so slightly.

"Who was it, Cammie? Who did you sleep with?" His green eyes seem to melt all my walls, everything I'd put up between me and that memory. They seemed to see straight through my soul. They made me feel special.

The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"I didn't sleep with him."

* * *

"I'm going to kill him, whoever it is. I don't care if he lives in a fucking alley behind a dumpster- which is what he deserves. I will find him, and I will kill him." His voice wasn't shaking with anger, or worry. No, it was calm and cool, and the scary part was; I believed him.

"Zach." His head snapped up and he looked at me, and the outstretched mug in my hand. "Drink. It'll help with the shock." He simply nodded and took the cup, but didn't drink any.

I sat at the chair opposite him, so I could see his reaction. I had managed to get him to come down stairs after the initial shock of what I said had sunken in.

I still couldn't believe I was stupid enough to say that.

Although I still couldn't believe I was stupid enough to think I would never tell him, either.

I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to say. I thought carefully for several tense moments, collecting my thoughts. My story. Although I was still leaving out some details. Like who it was.

Because I honestly have no doubt if he really knew, that he would kill him.

"Zach, I don't really know how to explain this without..." I trailed off, raising my hands only to drop them back in my lap. He understood what I was saying; An attack.

"Just... tell me what I need to know. Don't tell me something if you don't have to." He said softly, reaching across the table and taking one of my hands in both of his. I took a deep steadying breath.

"When we first met, I told you the story of my brother. I said the reason I didn't like touching me is because it reminded me of just how helpless I was to save him. That was true, but it wasn't as bad as my fears are- were- up until I met you. The real reason I don't like it- the reason I can't stand it, is him." Zach was silent, taking in every word I said. I felt tears begin to flood down my cheeks but I didn't even bother to wipe them away. I seemed to be crying a lot lately...

"Before I met you, every time someone touched me, all I could feel were his disgusting, slimy hands all over my body. Sometimes, when I close my eyes to go to sleep, all I see his his face mashed up on mine, his body pressing me onto the bed. And then- he raped me. I loved him, I really thought I did. But then he raped me, and he convinced me it was my fault. He convinced me that I wanted it; and I had never felt more disgusted with myself as I did that night." My voice cracked, and I felt Zach pulling me into his arms. The only place where I really feel safe anymore. "But when I'm with you, I feel safe." I added in a whisper, so quietly I wasn't quite sure if he heard me or not. Maybe I didn't want him to hear me.

"He'll never touch you again Cammie." His voice was strong, determined. But underneath that I heard how frightened he was. Frightened for me. His body was stiff, all of his muscles clenched. I squeezed him a little harder to me and he seemed to relax a little.

Minutes passed, maybe hours, and he held me in his arms while I cried.

He didn't say anything, didn't do anything. But he didn't need to.

Just being with him is enough for me.

"Can you tell me who it was Cammie?"

Somehow we had ended up on the couch, and I had been dozing off. Eventually my sobs had turned into sniffles, and my tears had stopped waterfalling. I kept my mouth firmly shut, afraid I would let it slip.

"I can't." I felt his finger underneath my chin, raising my gaze to his. His eyes now swirled with pain, and sadness. Apparently, for me.

"Cammie, please. Tell me who hurt you." His voice was so pained, a humongous wave of guilt crashed over me.

"If I tell you, I honestly have no doubt you would kill him. And then you'd report it to the police and-"

"AND YOU HAVEN'T?!" His outburst shocked me, and I froze for a moment. He never, ever, yells at me. Or at least, he never had before. He frowned at me, and ever so gently reached up his hand and ran his fingertips along my cheek. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. But you've gotta be kidding me Cammie, you never reported him?"

I cast my eyes downward, unsure of what to say. If I told him, school would be... harder, for him.

"Cammie, you've told me so much already. You've told me everything you can, and I know that. You told me about your brother your dad, your friends, everything you can. So if you really feel like you can't tell me, it's okay. I never want to push you into something you don't want to do. I just, I want to know who hurt you."

I was nearly as stunned as when he just yelled at me. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve him. I'm selfish for wanting him and yet- I can't stop myself.

"Because I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I am in love with you, Cameron Ann Morgan."

Fresh tears prick my eyes, but this time they really are tears of hapiness.

I feel like I could burst, only one thought and feeling running through my mind.

_Love._

_Zachary Goode loves me._

_And I love him._

* * *

**Holy. Fuck.**

**There was two reasons behind that holy fuck, and let me just say, I cried over both of them.**

**A) Are you kidding me? Like are you serious right now? This story just reached 200 reviews (shoutout to EmoEmily4Ever1213 for being the 200th) THIS IS CRAZY! Honestly guys I never thought I'd be here, a year ago, this was my dream. I could only DREAM of 200 reviews. And now- I have TWO STORIES WITH OVER 200 REVIEWS! I love you guys so much, you're the best readers I could ever ask for. Thank you for all the continuous support on this story, I know sometimes it's hard when I don't update, or when I don't reply to reviews but please know, I do read every single one and each one brings a ginormous smile to my face. Like seriously I cried. I ****_cried _****when this story reached 200 reviews. AND IN ONLY 11 CHAPTERS! That's the craziest part to me. I never thought my stories would be those stories in the archive, with so many reviews, and amazing AMAZING authors reading also. (Hint: that was directed at GallagherGirl-IWish) I mean you're all amazing authors but seriously I look up to her so muchand her stories are so amazing I never thought I could be here. And I wouldn't be here without you guys so: THANK YOU!**

**B) Um, did you or did you not just read the chapter above? IS IT JUST ME OR WERE YOU GUYS FREAKING OUT TOO? Because a) CAMMIE WAS RAPED?! BY WHO?! you can probably guess :( and b) ZACH SAID I LOVE YOU! FINALLY RIGHT?!**

**Okay, sorry for such a long note I'm almost done.**

**C) Listen, I KNOW how serious of a subject rape is, and it is absolutely horrible and my prayers go out to anyone who ever had to go through that. So please, don't say I'm taking mental illness or anxiety as a joke- I really know. Okay? Ok.**

**SO: If you're tired of reading and wanna review now, go ahead. If you play soccer, keep reading it's funny. If you don't play soccer a) what the f is wrong with you b) keep reading. Or just read cuz it's a funny story about my humiliating life.**

**D) For all my soccer girls out there: PRESEASON'S A BITCH! Ok allow me to explain. So just earlier today I was at soccer practice, and our practices are starting to get a little more serious. Not as serious as during the season but still it's a huge change from summer practice. Okay so we start out with speed and agility training (sucks right) after warm up and after one round I started feeling really bad- like really really bad. I was like, seeing black honestly and I couldn't breath and my stomach hurt really badly. It subsided a little though so I thought I was fine. THEN, my not-so-new coach (I've known him, he coached my bro for awhile and he likes to tease me) comes up during the one minute break we have between rounds, and this is our conversation.**

**Jimmy: So, you scared yet?**

**Me: *laughs* Oh you and your drills don't scare me, Jimmy.**

**Jimmy: Yeah, well you should be.**

**Me: *shrugs* As long as it makes me a better player. **

**Me:**** *walks off like a boss***

**Little did I know, I was going to eat my words.**

**During the second drill of round two, I started feeling super bad again, and then before I know it I can feel vomit coming up my throat, and it litterly came up with such force it knocked me on the ground, ****_on my butt! _**

**So I choked it down and my partner for the drills is all like "Mia are you okay?!" And I just roll over and puke. All over the ground. And one of the other coaches that is there runs up and is like "Oh sweetie go take a break, come back if you're ready in a few minutes." And then I'm walking over to sit down and holding my stomach because it hurts like hell, and then Jimmy sees me.**

**Me: *****Glares as if saying; ****_don't say anything*_**

**Jimmy: *raises eyebrow***

**Jimmy: *looks like he's going to laugh***

**Jimmy: *Starts to laugh***

**Jimmy: *Stops laughing abruptly as he realizes that's wrong***

**Jimmy: *Looks at me funny***

**Jimmy: So, as long as it makes you a better player?**

**Me: *Grunts**Dies***

**That's seriously what happened.**

**I love him though, and he's actually a really good guy and a kick ass coach. He like sat with me and gave me a gatorade square chewy thing and made me sit out for 5 minutes before he even let me do the drills ****_as slow as possible._**

**OKAY ALL DONE! I should win the award for longest AN ever :)**

**Review, pwetty pwease *kiss***


	13. You saved me

**AN: GUYS IM SO SORRY! I've been neglecting you *sniffle* I'll explain at the bottom **

* * *

_"You saved me."_ I barely managed to choke the words out of my throat. More and more tears fell down my cheeks, and I wasn't quite sure what these tears were for.

No, I didn't say I love you back.

Instead, I told him what his love had done for me.

He saved me. Zach saved my life, because he loved me

And somehow, it proved I loved him more than those words ever could.

I shut my eyes tight to try and stop my tears, but it was useless. Too many overriding emotions were causing them, and I was barely in control.

I felt the soft touch of his skin as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest.

My eyes were still closed, and it seemed all my senses were heightened.

His fingers ran across my cheek, so gently it seemed he was afraid I would break.

A hand made it's way too my lower back, and holding me steady.

Because Zach is steady.

Zach is my rock, my foundation.

If I ever lost him, I would crumble.

"Don't cry." I could feel his breath across my face as he whispered, and I opened my eyes to meet his, shining with tears.

"Only if you don't." A small smile tugged at my lips, and Zach's face echoed my own.

His lips brushed against my cheeks, kissing away the salty tears resting there.

"I love you." His words were a sigh of contentment against my skin.

Slowly, so very slowly, he started to turn his face, and left the faintest kiss on my lips. I could feel him smile against me, and I smiled, because he was.

I know this is how it's supposed to be. When you're in love, you can't be happy unless the other person is, and when they are you can't help but be happy.

When you're in love, you can't even dream of being separated from them. The very thought makes you miserable.

We are two halves of a whole, without the other we couldn't survive. We're a pair, a team, inseparable. Nothing could break us apart.

When you're in love, you need them, just as much as the water you drink and the air you breathe. In my case, I need him more than that.

"You saved me." I mumbled against his lips, pressing mine against his more forcefully.

This kiss was so different from the others we'd shared. This was slow, and sweet, most of all it contained all the love we both knew couldn't be expressed in words.

We stood there for what seemed like hours, until finally I felt my legs give out from exhaustion, and Zach slowly lowered us to sit on the floor.

It was there, sitting on the floor of my kitchen, curled up in the person I love's lap, I knew he would be happy.

"Ben's probably the happiest person in the world right now." I sighed, my eyes filling with tears once again. "He would be so proud of me."

"I think I could give him a run for his money." Zach murmured, placing a soft kiss on my neck.

I relaxed into his touch and closed my eyes, leaning back against his chest. A small smile graced my lips when he played with the tips of my hair, the silence comforting.

"You're so beautiful." I leisurely opened my eyes, planning on responding, but I was harshly thrown back into reality.

"SINCE WHEN IS IT ALMOST DECEMBER?!" I screeched in disbelief, panic coursing through me. I jumped up and dashed towards the calendar on the fridge, just to make sure.

"Cammie, Thanksgiving is this Thursday...December first is next week." Zach said, slowly rising from his spot on the floor, confusion clear in his voice.

"I-I-" I tried to speak but was too caught up in this realization. How had time flown away from me this quickly? I met Zach and obviously I'd been occupied with him but that was no excuse. So finally I settle for a simple, "I can't believe I forgot."

"Forgot what? What's wrong?" Zach's voice is anxious as he comes to stand next to me, placing a calming hand on my back.

I simply stare at the calendar, and it seems like ages before he finally moves to read the small words written inside the circled dates of tomorrow and the day after.

_Tuesday, November 22nd: Mom home_

_Wednesday, November 23rd: Aunt Abby and Joe visit_

Zach turned to me, a mixture of confusion and worry, supposedly over meeting my family, playing across his face.

I let out a snort, and place a light kiss on his lips to calm him.

"I suppose it's about time you meet them anyways." I said dryly, turning from the calendar to kiss him once more.

* * *

"I guess school's out for tomorrow then." I said pleasantly, breaking the comfortable silence we sat in. Zach was sprawled out on his stomach on my bed, resting his head on his folded arms, while I sat in a chair in front of him, my feet propped up next to him.

I had finished explaining the situation a few minutes ago, and we had been sitting in silence since then.

My mom takes off 2 times during the entire year, she's always away on business trips or with work, except during Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Aunt Abby and Uncle Joey currently live in Rome, all though they've lived all over the world, which is why they only ever visit at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yet the past few years, they've been surprisingly absent... About the time my dad left.

I frowned, shaking off the dark thought that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. They had promised to be here this year, and that was that.

Needless to say, Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite days out of the year.

"Yes, I suppose so." Zach's smile falters, and turns into a small frown. I raise an eyebrow, silently asking him what he was thinking. "You know we'll have to face them after the Thanksgiving holidays." he says softly, carefully assessing my reaction.

I let out a small huff and crossed my arms in frustration.

"Don't look at me like that! Liz had it coming." I say harshly, biting my lip. Normally I wouldn't be so...mean...but I was sick and tired of the way I've been treated at school. At this point I didn't even want to go back, but deep down I knew I had to. I'd be out of that hell hole soon anyways.

Zach sighed as though he was expecting this response from me, and pressed his fingers to his eyelids, rubbing them.

"I wasn't there, I've only heard the stories of what they did. And what they did was horrible, don't get me wrong, but Liz seemed genuinely sorry about what-"

"Are you seriously defending them?!" Somehow I managed to keep my voice to an outraged yelp, and not a full out scream. I certainly felt like screaming.

Zach's eyes widened and I could see him trying to backpedal but I was having none of it.

"How can you even say that?! The first day we talked, you couldn't believe I hadn't stood up to them before! And that was after just hearing some snide comments from them at lunch, you had no idea what they'd done before! And now you're trying to defend her, all because she simply said sorry?!" I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, before speaking again. "I will never forgive them for what they did Zach."

"I know." He stood up and stepped closer to me, barely an arms length away from me now.

"They left me. I needed them and they left me." My voice cracked and my eyes filled with tears. I furiously wiped them away, annoyed at their sudden appearance.

"I know."

"THEY LEFT ME!" He was wrapping his arms around me know, and leaning his face down towards mine.

"I know. And I will never leave you." I moved to close the gap between us, as he whispered, "I love you."

His lips were just pressing against mine when my phone vibrated in my pocket, causing me to jump a little. I quickly pulled it out of my pocket in annoyance, and my mouth set in a firm line when I read the text.

"Well, I guess you'll be meeting my mom a little early." I shove my phone back in my pocket, and look up just in time to see Zach visibly shudder, and I look at him, shocked.

"I've never met a girl's pa-_family_-" he corrects himself, but I don't say anything so he continues, "before." He stares sheepishly at the ground, before hesitantly meeting my eyes.

I throw my head back and laugh at his expression of absolute horror, at the very thought. I bend over in half, giggling uncontrollably.

"Not funny." Zach says, but he chuckles as well.

Finally, when I've calmed down enough to speak, I press a kiss on his cheek.

"There's a first time for everything." I whisper softly, before pressing my lips to his and smirking as he surrendered with a groan.

* * *

**I'M SOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! Gosh it feels like its been forever! I've been so busy, August has flown by! I start school in one week, and I'm actually really excited! (Weird right?) I'm part of the cheer team so I'm superrrrrr excited about football season because it's going to be super fun, and we have so many ideas for this year. I know what you're thinking (school cheerleaders are snobby, not even good at cheer, and just in it to wear the uniform) well none of those are true, let me tell you it's hard work! We learned all of our cheers from a high school, and they're the exact cheers that the hs performs so I'd say we're pretty advanced :) PLUS: The uniforms are super cute ;) we get to wear the the first day of school! And we wear them every day there is a game**

**Anyways, what I'm saying is I've been super busy. With that in mind, with school starting my schedule is going to b Y! Soccer Tuesday/Thursday, Cheer practice Mondays and Wednesdays, football games Wednesdays, plus advanced school homework = proabably not a lot of writing time :'(**

**Now, since I'M crazy, (and stupid) I'm also going to start writing a new story!**

**Yeah, I know, I don't know what the hell I'm thinking either. In all honesty it's hard just updating this story and Unpredictable, but since im one crazy mofo, I'm making a third :)**

**It's basically just gonna be a fluffy story, since both of my stories seem quite serious at the moment. And I'm not really a serious person believe it or not... SO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THE STORY! I have no idea what the title is, but it should be up by Friday *crosses fingers***

**SECOND THING: Thank you guys so much for all the support and reviews, y'all are the reason I'm writing :)**

**LAST THING: I seriously need a better summary for this story, I could use some help from you guys! If you can think of a better summary PLEASE TELL ME!**

**Wow okay what is it with me and long AN's lately guys? Sorry!**

**So put chicken butt in your review if you read this whole thing :)**


	14. Couldn't resist )

I looked around anxiously, my eyes searching the crowd at the airport. I felt Zach squeeze my hand reassuringly, but my attention was elsewhere.

I was entirely focused on the woman with the familiar set of warm blue eyes and wavy brown hair, tugging a suitcase behind her.

"MOM!" I yelled, dropping Zach's hand and running towards her. As soon as she saw me she dropped what she was holding and ran towards me as well, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

"Oh Cammie, I missed you so much!" She pulled back to look at me, and I saw tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I missed you too mom." I smiled warmly at her, and she grinned back, hugging me again. Suddenly she stiffened, and held me at arms length again, a shocked look on her face.

"Cammie...YOU'RE LETTING ME HUG YOU! I'M TOUCHING YOU!" She practically screamed, tears beginning to slide down her face. And I suddenly remembered just how much she had missed.

"Yeah uh, it's kind of a long story." I said sheepishly, ducking my head.

"Cammie that's...that's fantastic! It's wonderful! Oh my god what happened? What changed? Oh nevermind, you can fill me in later." She crushed me against her again, and I inhaled her warm perfume. I can't even remember the last time I'd hugged her... "I love you kiddo."

"Love you too." I mumbled from where my face was buried in her shoulder. I might have never let go, if Zach hadn't awkwardly cleared his throat from behind me.

"Oh!" I jumped apart from mom and turned to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him forwards.

My mom gasped, and threw her hand over her open mouth. her eyes open in shock once more. She quickly composed herself, and looks at me for an explanation.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Zach." I said firmly, leaning against his side. My mom narrowed her eyes, and looked Zach up and down, in a moment of tense silence.

Suddenly, she broke into a huge grin and jumped forward, wrapping us both in a hug.

"I suppose this is part of that long story, huh kiddo?"

* * *

My mom was quiet, and I was starting to feel uncomfortable under her gaze.

"I-I don't know what to say."

"I know it's hard to believe. I could barely believe it myself! I still can't, not really. But he's helped me so much mom. Without him I would still be the girl you saw last christmas, the one who had anxiety and depression. I mean I've still got anxiety and I'm still getting panic attacks but mom I'm happy."

"Oh, kiddo, I never thought I'd see the day." She wraps her arms around me once more, and I bury my face against her arm.

"It was getting worse mom. I was-" I took a shaky breath and tried to compose my voice slightly. "I was bad. Nothing was working, Dr. Steve couldn't help. The medications didn't help. People at school were treating me like shit. It was like I was back where I started."

My mother seemed frozen by my words. She was no longer stroking my hair gently, or murmuring comforting words. She was just... frozen.

"And then Zach came and- I fell in love with him." My voice cracked, and fresh tears began to fall from my eyes. Something seemed to snap in my mom, because she suddenly started crying also.

"I'm so sorry Cammie, I didn't know you were that bad! I thought things were getting better maybe, that you were okay. I convinced mysel you were, justified me staying away was going to help you. How could I have been so foolish?!" Her voice was angry and harsh, and I know it was towards herself. "You needed me and I-"

"Don't. Can we just pretend like it never happened, and live in the moment?" I looked towards ,y mother with hopeful eyes. I just wanted my mom back, we can figure everything else out as it comes.

She pursed her lips, tears still shining in her eyes. She chooses not to say anything, simply pulling me back into her arms.

"I love you Kiddo. So, so much."

"I know you do." I smiled at her, a real face splitting smile. Her face mirrors mine, and in this moment, I could forget about the years of abandonment and hurt. She's here now, and she's not leaving.

* * *

"So I was thinking..." Zach and I were were walking through the park, the same one we'd had our first date in. That seemed like ages ago, yet it was only a few weeks ago... How has everything changed so quickly?

"About what?" Zach piped up, stirring me from my sidetracked thought. I blushed and scooted a little closer to him unconsciously.

"I think you're right. About Liz I mean. She really was sorry... And I have to stop holding against her what she didn't mean to do. I'm not ready to forgive the others yet, not by a long shot. But I think I can manage Liz." I said slowly, wanting to gauge his reaction.

His eyes lit up, and he squeezed me tighter against his side. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his warm breath tickling my face.

"I knew you'd come around. Plus, I love Liz, and I'm pretty sure she'd die to be your friend again." His expression turned serious, and he stopped walking, abruptly pulling me to a stop. "I know this is really big for you Cammie, and I just want you to know, I'll be there with you every step of the way." He started to lean in towards my face, and I did to, before at the last second turning away and screaming "Race you home!"

I heard him groan and mutter "Cheat," under his breath but he started chasing after me, streaming past other people on the sidewalk, and trying not to collide with fire hydrants.

We were two houses down from mine, when I heard him getting closer and closer. "No!" I shouteed just as I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist. "Gotcha." He panted in my ear, out of breath. I turned around in his arms to face him, and I don't think there is anything on this Earth that could match his beauty at this moment. The rain that had fallen earlier shone like crystals in his dark hair, which flopped against his forehead in the most adorable way. His breath was coming out in huffs, letting out little clouds into the cold air. His cheeks and nose were extremely red, and I leaned forward to kiss the latter.

"I love you."

I stand corrected. The grin that followed was the only thing that could have possibly been more beautiful.

His lips pressed against mine, and I couldn't help but feel like things were finally starting to change for the better.

* * *

"Aunt Abby and Joe get in tomorrow." I piped up, breaking the silence in the kitchen. I was making myself some tea before bed, and my mom was typing away on her laptop. We had spent the whole day together though, and I understood that she actually had too work sometime.

"Actually, kiddo. They don't." Startled by her words, I accidently dropped the mug I was holding, and I winced as it shattered into two pieces on the counter

"You mean they're not...they're not coming?" I looked at my mom and she was wringing her hands together nervously, a guilty expression on her face.

"Boo."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL?!" I fell over in surprise and turned to see my aunt and uncle laughing hysterically, doubled over. I got to my feet angrily. "I repeat what the hell?!"

"Sorry squirt, couldn't resist." Abby said, straightening up and grinning at me.

"You have to admit, it was pretty ninja." Uncle Joey said, pulling her against him and resting his arm on her shoulder.

"Oh I hate you guys!" I crossed my arms and fumed for a few more minutes, while they just laughed their butts off. "Very funny." I muttered, attempting to stalk off down the hallway, before being pulled back into someone's arms.

"Aw squirt you love us."

"Yeah, what she said." I unfolded my arms and hugged them back. I had missed them too much to be mad at them.

"I missed you guys. A lot." I admitted, my face lost in Abby's long shiny tresses. "Sorry we didn't come sooner, guess we're about 5 years overdue for a visit." She laughed lightly, but I frowned at the truth behind her words. She really had no idea...

"So...how are you?" She asked finally, pulling back to hold me at arm's length.

It was obvious to me then. Why she had never come to visit before. She really thought I was crazy.

Guess it's a good thing she's only seeing me now.

I gave her a bright smile, that surprisingly, wasn't the least bit forced.

"I've never been better."

* * *

"Soooooo, Zach's pretty cute." My aunt said flirtatiously, throwing me a wink. I blushed furiously, grabbing a loaf of bread and tossing it in the basket. We were at the grocery store, getting last minute supplies for our thanksgiving dinner.

"Yeah," I mumbled weakly. "He is."

"He really likes you." Her tone was light, but at the same time it was slightly strained, as if there was something she wanted to tell me but she wasn't.

"Yeah..." I said suspiciously, turning to face her again. "So?"

"Nothing. Just making conversation." There was a twinkle in her eye that I recognized from my childhood, something that said_ I know something you don't know._

"Right..."

* * *

**AN: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! ahhhh so much i need to say so little time!**

**A) I'M SO SO SO SO SOOOOO SORRY! I tried to get an updagte in before school started, and then school did start and all hell broke loose! I lost a few friends, but became friends with all the popular people at my school (I sound totally vain but i'm not friends with them because they're popular, i'm friends with them because Ireally I really like them okay?) So that was kind of hard, but everything's good now!**

**B) The week before school started, my older brother got sick. And I mean really really sick. He had meningitis, which for those of you that don't know, is deadly. He looked soo bad, laying there on the bed, all pale, with 5 IV bags hanging next to him... He couldn't eat or drink, not even water, for 8 days. I watched the priest come and give him is last rites. That was so scary. I don't think I've ever been more scared in my entire life. I actually thought he might die. But he didn't, thank the lord :) He came home last week, and he went back to school this week and he's making amazing progress in his recovery and is almost fully back to normal :)**

**C) Next, two weeks ago, at the practice before my first soccer game, my coach appointed me as captain! So awesome right? I was sooooo freaking happy you have no idea. So saturday, it's our first game, and things are going good we're tied, and then like 5 minutes into the second half this girl pushes me from behind with her arm totally extended, and my ankle rolls inwards and all my weight crushes down on it. HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! So my parents rushed me to the er to get it X rayed, and turns our I have a severe sprain AND there's a fracture in my growth plate! So the past two weeks I've been hobbling around on crutches, which let me tell you, suck.**

**D) Okay this is pretty personal but I need to vent. So I've liked this guy for a while now, and he's super cute and sweet and amazing and we're really good friends. Last wednesday, I told him. I didn't ask him out or anything I just put it out there. I was like "hey, I like you" basically. And he liked me back. He said he liked me back a lot. But he said he didn't want to date anyone this semester, he just wanted to focus on school and his friends, and I told him I totally respect that, and we were like "who knows, maybe next semester."**

**So this week, motherfucking ONE WEEK LATER, 7 days after he tells me he likes me a lot, we were at the football game. It was like a big group, and I'm a cheerleader so I had to be there, but I was in the bleachers since I'm hurt. So about halfway through the game, he asks out my friend, who also happens to be the hottest girl in the school. 20 feet away from me. They hugged. He looked me in the eye.**

**You could say I was crushed.**

**I mean I didn't even go to school the next day. That's how much it hurt.**

**Soooooooo yeahhhhhhhh my life as pretty much spiraled down the last month. Anyways, I felt really bad for not updating, and sorry this is such a filler chapter but I felt like we needed some character building and there's already been soooo much drama the past few chapters, I needed a break. But rest assured, there will be more drama. Oh yes, drama is coming ;)**

** OH AND BY THE WAY 240 REVIEWS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHAT THE HELL YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS THIS I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO PIECES MWAH :* **

**I'm starting to think about when this story will hit 300 reviews, and thanks to you guys, I think it might actually be a possibility one day :)))**

**OH AND ONE LAST THING UNITED WE SPY ASDFGHJKL;ASDFGHJKL;ASDFGHJKL;ASDFGHJKL;ASDFGHJKL; I CAN'T EVEN OMG IT WAS AMAZING BEST OF THE SERIES HANDS DOWN SO MUCH ZAMMIE AMAZING AHHHH I CAN'T DO SPOILERS BUT PM ME IF YOU WANNA FANGIRL! I JUST FINISHED IT EARLIER TODAY (AND STARTED IT BUT WHATEVER!) I BOUGHT IT THEDAY IT CAME OUT BUT DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO READ UNTIL TODAY AND ASSDFGHJKL; GOD HELP ME!**

**PS: I still need help writing a new summary I suck at summaries blah bleh ew help me**


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